I feel bad. Went to visit Keven today, my mother and sister went with me. When I saw him he was with a girl that he knew when he was at Cornerstone (she was obsessed with him and he was avoiding her). I was very upset about this and verbalized my disappointment that he was with her.
That was stupid of me.
Why? Because I didn't ASK him about it, I just ASSUMED and was WRONG. She was there visiting someone else and just happened to be talking to Keven when we walked up.
So I put him on the defensive and basically ruined the visit.
I apologized but the visit was strained and I left feeling like crap.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
7 comments:
Through all these ups and downs we have with our addicts it is very hard NOT to assume! I am going to email you.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll make it up at your next visit! It's no wonder we get paranoid. We are only human!
Barbara, what you said is SO understandable, and I agree,..you're being much too hard on yourself. I understand that you're disappointed that the visit wasn't better, for those brief times of visiting mean so much, I'm sure. But really, Keven has had you in a training program, so to speak, for a long time, to react how you did. You've had much more experience in being alerted to danger and something sketchy happening for him/to him than you have in just regular everyday situations, ...at least for quite a long time in recent history. Please think of what you would be thinking about or saying to one of us regarding the incident you just described...except let your words of support go right into your own ears and mind.
Thinking of you here. You are a wonderful and loving mom and you've been through the wringer repeatedly, so don't expect yourself to be a mind reader, etc..
Sending you hugs and peace.
Oh, seesh, I´m sorry. Maybe it shows him, though, how much you worry about him?
I find it very hard not to assume. My son wasn't at home when I went to bed so I assumed he would come home high. He didn't, but I had myself worked into a frenzy and deprived myself of sleep. It is hard to expect new behaviors when we have grown so used to the pattern of old behavior. The addict isn't the only one that needs to learn a new way of dealing with things. Hang in there. We all have a lot to learn. Sorry your visit didn't go as well as you wanted it to.
I cannot think of all the times that I do something similar Barbara. I still dial back to my old suspicious self when my son does something I don't like. Not that I have to. Old habits are hard to break.
I'm thinking you are obsessing a lot more about than he is.
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