In Response to Comments....

I want to make sure that anyone reading this can "hear" the tone of what I am writing, that's one thing the written word loses - you can't necessarily tell if the writer is being defensive, and I want to make sure this doesn't come across that way.

Comments are the heart and soul of our blog community - without them we never would have found each other.  Two comments left on my last post inspired me to write this one so I could clarify my "behind the scene thoughts" that were not included when I said I was glad Jon and Ant were not at the same place as Keven.

First, I realize that Keven will always have other addicts in his life and negative influence to contend with.  I also know that he needs to learn to say no on his own two feet regardless of who is tempting him.  But, in the entire planet of human beings, Ant and Jon are the two that have had the most influence on him.  The ones that he used with the most, the one (Jon) that got him started and the one (Ant) that he frequently relapses with.  If I am starting out on a diet, I want to stay away from my friend who will shove chocolate cake in my face and tell me "one bit won't matter".   There will be others offering me cake, but its easier to say no to them.  When I feel more confident in my ability to say no to her, I will hang around her again - or maybe realize she was not the right friend for me all along.

My main concern is my son's recovery, so yes, I am glad those two are not in close proximity to him right now.

Second, and more importantly, I love Anthony.  I still do, I always will.  Aside from Kev, he is someone I've shed the most tears over, and spent the most time and energy (and money) trying to help (not enable, support).  So of course I feel bad for him.  As naive as it sounds - I had a lot of hope for him this time.  He's been in and out of rehabs and prison for years, always funded by the state, and now that our state is so financially f'd up, his funding was cut.  Its just a fact of life and he's going to have to find a plan "B".

And I care about Jon too.  But, Jon has been kicked out of every rehab he's been in.  Usually for using drugs or "fraternizing" with female residents.  This time he was kicked out for using Bath Salts.  Jon was also being paid for by the State, and that money could have went to someone who was more serious about recovery.  Jon was there because he had to be, he has never seriously followed a program, never humbled himself and is apparently not ready.  I feel bad for his parents who, like the rest of us, are in a lot of pain.   I want him to get better, but I want to do it far away from Keven.

Keven has grown a lot in the last few years and no longer idolizes these two as much as he once did.   But Kev is the guy that would do anything to save a friend no matter what the cost to himself.  In fact, a couple years ago Jon OD'd when he was with Keven.  Keven was on probation at the time and knew he'd go to jail but didn't care, he called 911 and kept Jon breathing with CPR until they go there.  Jon spent a few days in the hospital.  The cops did NOT take Keven in.  When he told them straight up that he was on probation they said, "okay, you did what most friends wouldn't do for this guy, just leave now".

And the cop was right, just a month or so ago Jon OD'd when he was with Anthony.  Ant pulled his body out of the car, left him on the sidewalk, drove away and called 911 hoping they'd get there before it was too late.

This is the life and death stuff our addicts deal with.  Scary and sad.

So, this big long post was to say, I get it, I know Keven has to learn to say no and that there will always be influences in his life.  And, I'm disappointed for Ant and Jon (although, I do have anger toward him cause he's the one that got Keven to use when he was 17....).





Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara