I just feel numb today, and yesterday. I can't explain why.
I think it was more like I was depressed but refused to acknowledge it because I "shouldn't" be depressed (I think it was Louise Hay who said "don't should on yourself!").
I have a long searched for job (part time), my son is in residential treatment, I have tons of stuff to be grateful for....but there's something inside me that wants to crawl in bed and not get up till "its over". I don't even know what "it" is.
One thing I have to be excited about it that I will be seeing U2 one month from today. Last time they toured (prior to the tour in '09 when Bono hurt his back and had to reschedule Anaheim till NOW) was 2005. I'm going with a friend who's never seen them in concert, he'll be blown away.
U2 just happens to have a song titled "Numb" sang (well if you can call it singing) by The Edge. Here are the lyrics. For some reason, I like the monotone/industrial sound of it:
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
6 comments:
Maybe because you have a job and your son is in treatment, you have the luxury of "taking to your bed" for the first time. I live in the south and quite frankly, I feel you deserve a little downtime to process....hang in there and take care of yourself.
This is something I'd like to see explored by the professionals. A number of us blogging parents are expressing that things are better, so why am I feeling this way..... for some like me, it is super emotional and teary. others are angry. you feel numb. One of the mom's recently blogged that this might be a bit like PSTD. We've been through hell, Barbara, and we know that for the rest of our lives, we live with the knowledge that at any point in time, our kids could get the "f#&k its" and throw it all away with a bad choice and we'd be right in our nightmare again. I think this wears on us over time, and when we finally hit a smooth patch, in sheer exhaustion, some "stuffed" feelings start to bubble up, or we feel numb, etc. I would love to know how a professional would explain this, but you are not alone!
Good luck with the new position! You will rock the place and I hope it continues to be a good fit for you at this time!! BIG HUGS!!
I think sometimes the end result of "total detachment" is a feeling of numbness.
My mother died while we were going through my son's addiction. I hardly felt a thing. I had detached from all emotion. It actually scared me.
My son is 3+ years clean and, while I am grateful, I will always be guarded.
I figure it's just some more fallout from the family disease of addiction.
God Bless
I think sometimes when things level off and we can stop paddling as fast as we can to tread water, we know intuitively that its ok to melt down a little now. All of the crisis are managed and now I am cry and let myself fall apart a little, get it out of my system and then begin to heal. Its ok to not always be "on"....you know what I mean? Sometimes we are just sad and thats how it is. Its ok.
I agree with Annette, and sad is part of life. Sometimes you need a day (or three) to just go with it.
Dere's some wise words here.
It feels weird, though, those times, don't they? The "shoulds" come up in force.
I LOVE Numb, I think it's one of my favourite U2 songs.
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