I was just reminiscing about last year at this time and wanted to share this for anyone feeling absolutely scared to death, confused, and possibly hopeless.
That's where I was last year at this time. Looking back over some old blog posts I can recall feeling so lost, so confused, and not knowing what was going on with my son.
He was experiencing some pretty heavy delusions/hallucinations. At the time I never described it because it seemed so personal, and so awful. But since those are a thing of the past (I'll tell you why in a minute) I'll give you some examples of what it was like for us back then....
- he often saw a dead man hanging in his closet
- while driving, sometimes when he looked in the rear view mirror he saw someone in the backseat that was not there
- he saw and FELT people walking by him that no one else could see but he swore were real
- he felt that there was someone following him that wanted to kill him
Wow, no wonder I was a total wreck, and just imagine how horrible he felt. Just for the record - he was not actively using at that time but may have been using in between drug testing which he means once a week he could get away with it since he was tested twice a week.
I had him seeing what I felt at the time was an excellent psychiatrist who also counceled Keven. He spent a long time talking to him (at no extra charge) each week. His diagnosis was extreme, he started out saying he was bo-polar and then switched that to schizo-affective disorder (similar to schizophrenia).
Luckily I had just completed NAMI's 12 week course for families of the mentally ill. It was an intense course and I learned a lot. I didn't accept either of these diagnosis because it didn't add up for me. About that same time his psychiatrist retired and we were recommended to someone new.
I shared with his new doctor that I thought Keven was on all the wrong meds (I can't remember all of them, but one was Lithium). He slowly took him off to get an idea of who the "real Keven" was. After some trial and error he finally found the right combination of drugs and diagnosed him with what I knew was wrong all along: panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression. It was the wrong meds that were making him have delusions in the first place because he was not bi-polar or schizo-affective).
And guess what people with those disorders (or a combination of them) often do to feel better? Right - they get high!
So the point of this post is two things:
1) ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR OWN GUT INSTICTS ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES! You may not be en expert in mental illness, but you are an expert on your family.
2) Many, many addicts are considered "dually diagnosed" meaning they have an underlying mental illness that contributes to their choice to use drugs in the first place. One of the qualifications to be eligible for the court program that Keven is part of is to be dually diagnosed. His judge believes that if both issues are treated, the addiction and the mental illness (which could be anything from depression - schizophrenia), the addict has a better chance of recovery. Court monitors both. Keven's PO used to come over when he lived here and literally pour out all his meds to count and make sure he was taking them every day.
3) Being on the right meds does not guarantee that the addict will stop using, but it sure makes it easier than if they are on the wrong meds or no meds when they need some. (the ones he's on now are all very common meds with little or no side effects).
4) No matter where you are today - things change. I hope and pray that things change for the better for all of us.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
8 comments:
OMG...you are SO RIGHT. SO much of this is getting the correct diagnosis, and if treatable with medication, getting the RIGHT medication, as well as the RIGHT does. None of that is necessarily easy to figure out, but must be done correctly for all to go well. It takes good obersvation, tweaking of the meds.(timing/dose) and good communication back and forth with the doctor. BRAVO to you for making sure that you pursued what didn't feel right to you. Imagine all of the people who suffer that don't,...and think,"well the doctor said" without any questioning of what doesn't seem correct. God bless you and Keven.
What you described that he went through sounds absolutely horrific. :(
Glad that things are better now. Getting a correct diagnosis seems to be a difficult thing when it comes to psychiatric illnesses.
It took my sweet daughter many years to get a correct diagnoses. The sad part for her and many others is that every 9 to 18 months the drugs stop working and it's back to the psych hospital to stabilize and try a new combination. If she did not have our beautiful program she would never make it to the "try another combo" because the discouragement is so great. The steps hold her together and make her try again.
What you've written here took me years and years to learn. I could say so much about the different meds and diagnosis my son has been through, but I'll just say this--you told his story here too.
thank you
Thanks for the comments. Its one of those many things you don't plan on having to know about when you become a parent. I read something yesterday that inspired me to do write this, but I can't remember what I read. DO THEY HAVE A MED FOR A FAILING MEMORY?????
Years ago someone diagnosed my son with schizophrenia after seeing him for 15 minutes. I never got the prescription filled. I knew that was not the case.
Blake has similiar things as Keven and his real Dad had about two years prior showed him some things that he should not have seen and from that point on he had horrible nightmares so bad that I would have to sleep in his room. If there was a problem what his Dad showed him brought it out the other Therapist thinks. His real Dad didn't do it maliciously but he was an idiot and it deeply affected Blake.
They have said Blake has post traumatic sydrome and depression and who knows what else.
At this point and until he is completely off of drugs we can't get him help and that is so hard to sit back and watch.
Tori,
Its agonizing to sit back and watch when you want more than anything to do something to get them on the right path to recovery. You know know, its interesting you mention PTSD because Keven has been asked several times (or I have been asked by his doctors) if he's had a traumatic event in his past. I always says no, Keven insists there is nothing he hasn't told me, but I wonder. I always wonder if being rejected by his father would be considered a traumatic event. I have a feeling if you and I and are boys ever met, we'd be like four peas in a pod :)
Barbara I agree. I know of a couple of things that I think may have contributed but I do think there is more. I was told that often they can't remember which is part of the anger issues, etc. they know but they don't if that makes sense. My son has often times told me he doesn't understand why he is so angry and to the point where if someone said the wrong thing he would come out swinging - he wouldn't care how big the person is he would fight and get killed. I know when things started to change and he was 6-7. We moved, I got married, his Father got married and moved away and I had a baby. That was a lot on him but something else happened and we don't know what. It wasn't the same thing I posted about the first time. But the therapist said it can be very, very hard to dig that deep because they have buried it for a reason. Other may just be that he does have an mental illness and the drugs add a lot to the complication and he has been using for so long it is hard to tell. I am glad you talked about the things Keven saw...there were times Blake would seriously freak me out with that saying stuff like that. He would have nightmares and have a hard time not thinking it was reality - still does that.
Post a Comment