Something else Nuel's daughter said in her paper (see last post) related to the widespread alcoholism and drug addiction in many of the Native American tribes. The reason many of them start drinking/drugging is to escape the hopelessness, the pain, the poverty, etc. of LIFE.
That makes me wonder - how many of our loved ones are using heroin as an escape? Is that the main reason for using it? One of the reasons? Or, not related at all?
I know for Anthony its been a huge part of why he's used in the past. In fact he mentioned it yesterday when he called me. He referred specifically to a time when life was unbearable so he just stayed high. It was about five years ago and his girlfriend was arrested and serving her time in jail (she was pregnant with his child at the time). Then his best friend died on an OD, Anthony was with him. He said he felt so alone and in so much pain he couldn't bear living so he stayed high.
I know its not an excuse, but its an explanation. Once they experience how good it makes them feel they want to do it again. Next thing you know they're addicted and....we all know how that story goes.
For Keven, I know he's also had some traumatic events in his life plus some very painful issues to deal with (a father that doesn't seem to care about him at all).
It makes me wonder why some people are better able to cope with the heartaches in life and others aren't. Did I fail in some way to prepare Keven for dealing with pain? Is it just genetic that he became so depressed at an early age? (In fourth grade I was a wreck. I threw up every time I ate, I had severe headaches and I HATED school. My parents finally took me to a doctor who told me I had an ulcer and to take these pills and I would be better - well guess what? The doctor lied, it was not an ulcer it was stress/depression and the pills were placebos, but it did help me, which proves that some things are "all in your head").
Anyhow. I am rambling AGAIN! Just stuff I'm thinking about today. There are no answers, there are no do-overs in parenting, there is no changing the past.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
6 comments:
Barbara, my son is very shy and getting high helped him to relax. He has ADD so school wasn't great so getting high, drinking etc, all helped him to deal. I heard a saying that went, "people who deal with their problems, don't do drugs." So I guess there is a lot of truth to it. I am learning the best way to teach that is to deal with my problems and let him deal with his. He appreciates it because he told me that it made him feel like I thought he could do it himself for once. I'm looking for parents ideas on the stigma of addiction for an article I'm writing...on my blog...if you have time, could you share your insights? Thank you
I think that they're ALL escaping problems that they don't want to feel....addicts, that is. I swear, I think they're all ADD/ADHD too,..but I know many people may not agree with me on that one. Those who become addicts seem to feel things more intensely than the rest of us do...and thus,are more averse to bearing that feeling, ...just my opinion. But,wow...it never works out to avoid it the way they do...they just end up with worse feelings, and more of them. :(
Please don't even entertain the idea that your parenting caused this...you do know better,...I know you do. I would imagine that Keven feels whatever bothers him more intensely than many people do. Just my guess. You are wonderful, and I'm sure you provided him with wonderful feelings as his mom more than most moms do.
B has depression and ADD as well, that we know for sure but I suspect it could be more. He has always told me the reason he would do drugs mainly H is because he felt normal when he did it just not when he came down. It made him calm and happy.
Every addict I have spoken with says they have no copinge skills and B didn't have them from early on long before drugs and Joe and I were always running to his rescue.
Addicts have also told me that if you feel sad, angry, depressed (any feeling really) they will feel it 10 times more.
I agree with Beachteacher....many people won't agree but that information has been told to me numerous times be recovering addicts and I think they would know.
I think using drugs/drinking provides an escape - I know it does for me. But as for our children/addicts in our lives, I don't know what this ultimately means - probably something different for each person. Why are some people able to achieve a balance... It is too painful for me to think too hard on this topic with regards to our children. God bless.
I have read a lot of explanations in various books but "trauma" does appear to be one of the steeping stones to addiction. however, I read that "trauma" is different for every child. It could be something as serious as the death of the child's mother or the divorce of the parents or perhaps even something like losing their pet.
My only regret as a parent is not learning the truth of this disease sooner. If I had, I think I could have worked on my detachment with love much sooner. Perhaps!
Prayers for all
yes VJ...I should have mentioned that too...it seems that the predisposition to addiction genetically, with those intense emotional feelings connected with trauma...seems to be the perfect storm to creating an addict. For my son, it was all of that in addition to be sexually abused at age 9. :( For many others...the story is very much the same....horrific as that is...
Post a Comment