Expectations are dangerous for me, so I am trying hard to be rational and realistic about the next step in Keven's recovery.
Its been decided that he will return to residential treatment this week and pick up where he left off.
He has a new determination based on a new motivation and a new fear. I can only stand by the sidelines and cheer him on.
I'm glad he's getting out of jail, they have not given him his meds in five days and I can hear it in his voice - don't they know how important it is to keep inmates with mental health issues on their meds??!!! I would think in that environment it would be to their advantage. Our attorney has called the jail twice but it didn't help.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
3 comments:
I know that you have been down this path many times. Maybe it is best to stay skeptical until the actions indicate that he is motivated. I hope that he is. But you are right about expectations--they mess me up.
Sometimes, I wonder myself what makes the path change. And triggers can even pop up years later, with little things, or big things. Turns out my next door neighbor is using. He showed it to me, he offered it to me...and I walked away. I have been staying with friends, and my parents. And I am moving. I cannot live next door to it. I look at the face of that little boy, and I know I have to stay away from that apartment. But it was MY apartment first! Way before those losers moved in next door!!! And I loved it. But, the thoughts keep creeping back in. I watched Intervention tonight, and have been crying ever since...it was just like me and Liam. And the poor couple still thinks they might make it...I guess the long and short of it is that something eventually has to give for Keven, one way or another. And even then, the fight is not over. My fight is not over. I know I am safe. I have told my parents about my neighbor, and all my closest friends also know...and they are watching me like a hawk. And I am watching me like a hawk. And I haven't been back to that apartment, and when I do go back...it will only be to pack. But, it just sucks. It sucks that I am going to have to pay a ton of money I don't have to get out of the lease. And it sucks that the damn rental company cannot understand this shit! And it sucks even more that the fucking addict, who also has a young daughter in the home, gets to stay there...and my sober ass has to move...but I know it is best. I thought about calling the cops, or child protective services, but I realize that none of that will make much of difference, and I just do not even want to be involved that much. So, I am walking, better yet, I am running, as far away from that shit as I can. And it frustrates me that this all has to be such a pain in the ass. But, I guess that is the way it is. Very few people really understand it, and very few people ever will. I am just thankful, I had the strength to walk away. I often wondered if I could because it has not been anywhere near my world for so long. And still, I realize the addiction will always linger with me, and it is up to me to treat it, and walk away from that shit, even if that means complete upheaval in my life, even it means costing me over a thousand dollars. The fight is so damn hard in the beginning...but it does get easier, although it never goes away...
I was wondering about his med's and forgot to ask you when I emailed you earlier.
How long total has he been in jail now? How long will he be in rehab?
Expectations are dangerous for me too. It is hard not to have any, but I know even though I am so grateful B is locked up right now that when he walks out those doors who knows which path he will take.
My prayers are with you and Keven.
Post a Comment