Yesterday I just happened to outside when our postal guy drove up. He's a nice young man and we've talked a few times. Here was our conversation yesterday which kind of blew my mind and made me wonder if he was so "in tune" with all the people on his mail route:Him: "Hey, can I ask you something?"
Me: "Sure"
Him: "Why is it that Keven is in and out of jail so often?"
Me: (a bit stunned that he mentioned Keven by name and asked this question) "Well, he's usually in and out for probation violations."
Him: "Oh, can't stay out of trouble, huh?"
Me: "No, actually he's a heroin addict and can't stay clean."
Him: (looking sorry to hear that) "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. That's really rough. I met a lot of them when I was going to AA."
Me: (knowing he had had a DUI a few years ago) "Do you still go to meetings?"
Him: "No, it was the only time I ever got a DUI and I rarely even drink, it was just one of those things. So, I saw Keven here about 4 months ago. When he's in, how long does he usually stay?"
Me: "He must have been home on a pass that day, he's been either in jail or in a rehab for the last year. Depending on the situation he can stay in there for a few days, a week, a month or more."
Him: "This must be really hard on you." (look of concern)
Me: "Yes, it is" (sad smile)
Him: "Well, Barbara, my hat is off to you." (he literally takes his hat off for a second)
Me: "Thanks."
And then we went our separate ways. I wasn't sure how to take this conversation. On one hand I could be offended or resentful that he pays such close attention to my mail, but I didn't take it that way. I decided he was just curious and concerned. Mostly curious.
But, wow! Have you ever stopped to think about how much your mail can reveal about your life? I guess those letters stamped "CORRESPONDENCE FROM AN INMATE AT ORANGE COUNTY JAIL" in red letters is kind of a giveaway.
Do you know your postal carrier? How would you feel if this happened to you?
P.S. I have no problem telling people about Keven because
a) its the truth
b) I am not ashamed
c) almost every time I share, the other person is very eager to tell me about someone they know in the same situation
d) its another opportunity to spread awareness (I usually give my little speech about how its an epidemic and ask them if they read the article in our county newspaper about it).
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
10 comments:
reminds me of getting my hair cut at the place near my house and having the hairdresser ask me about D and how he's doing,sometimes with specifics. It took me back a bit...and I realized that S(husband) had been sharing with the same hairdresser that cuts his hair there. She was concerned and understanding and asking out of nothing but empathy...but it caught me off guard...and I was so surprised that S had gone in there and told her things about D....not something I'd anticipated. I don't actually know our mail carrier though... I understand how you feel.
Well I love that you were so honest and not ashamed. I think that is very empowering for us mom's. I would have answered his questions too, if it had been me. I refuse to hide and hope no one finds out. It is way too hard to live with secrets. Privacy is a myth anymore.
I would wonder what his motive is. He sounds noisy to me to be asking so many questions. I like openness in appropriate settings like meetings but have learned that sometimes it is better to keep my mouth shut when it comes to the business of others. And this is really Keven's business I think.
I would think that your postman has wanted to ask about Keven hundreds of times. I get the vibe that he really cared, rather than being nosy (thus, the kind gesture of taking off his hat!). Like Annette, I'm glad you were so open and not ashamed.
I met my postman not long after moving here to take care of my mother. I remember our first conversation:
Him: Do you miss the north Georgia mountains?
Me: Huh?
Him: Oh, I'm sorry. I noticed you get the little town paper from Trenton.
I don't see him often, but we're kindred spirits, in that we both are trying to get back to the country!
I have a little 90 year old friend in the neighborhood, who doesn't always have access to a phone. She will wait by her mailbox, ask him if he's going by Sherry's, and hand him a note to leave in my box. You don't find that often in the big city!
This almost reminds me of the times where I've had a job for which I wore a name tag, and someone would say "Hey, Mike!" like they knew me.
I don't know my mail carrier, because I'm seldom home when the mail is delivered, but I think I would be ok with a conversation like that, if I had spoken to him a few times before.
Your mail carrier sounds like a nice, caring person.
Truthfully, I never know how to respond to those kind of questions. In fact, I addressed the issue of "telling" in a letter I wrote my daughter on boundaries.
"I have the right to be truthful with family and friends about how your behavior is affecting me. Not telling creates enormous isolation and robs me of my support system and prayer partners."
And, she still gets mad when I answer questions. She doesn't think it is anyone's business. So, I am always walking on eggshells. I would have felt a little anxious about the questions.
Truthfully, I never know how to respond to those kind of questions. In fact, I addressed the issue of "telling" in a letter I wrote my daughter on boundaries.
"I have the right to be truthful with family and friends about how your behavior is affecting me. Not telling creates enormous isolation and robs me of my support system and prayer partners."
And, she still gets mad when I answer questions. She doesn't think it is anyone's business. So, I am always walking on eggshells. I would have felt a little anxious about the questions.
I think my initial reaction would be that he is noisy but, growing up we knew our mail carrier well. Today my mail carrier barely smiles! I probably would have answered his questions too. That's how I am -
The same thing happened to me! My mail lady is a sweet, caring person. I've known her for years. If I'm home I will go out and meet her at the mailbox.
She asked about Andrew because of the many jail letters, legal notices, etc. She was very kind when I told her about him. She still asks how he is doing today, and always says "have a blessed day" (she really means it;)
Lori, I can imagine that must have through you for a loop when she brought it up! You know what they say about hairstylists, they hear it all. I've had the same one for 20 years and we've been through a lot together!
Annette, thanks. I have been told over the years that I am "honest to a fault" but that's the only way I know how to be. Keven is just as open about it as I am (he's honest too when he's not in his addicted behavior...hmmm wonder if there is such a thing as an honest addict? I think by the nature of it, you can't really be honest and an addict, it just wouldn't work. You need to hide, lie, steal etc to support your habit.)
Syd, I am a really good judge of character. When my next door neighbor asks questions about Keven I do not answer. He is nosy and his motives are anything but pure. But this mailman, I trust and I could tell it was purely concern.
Sherry!!!!!!!! I love it when you comment :) :) :)
I also like the town you live in and the fact that your mail carrier will deliver mail from your friend's house to yours to help you out. You are so right that would NEVER happen in most places. Is my blog too green? I logged on this morning and thought what the heck? I forgot I did this late last night.
Mike, LOL! That's funny. I got to know my mail guy over the last few years thanks to unemployment and working part time.
Julie, I totally understand. That reminds me of something that happened at Kev's first rehab. They found out that I had a blog (must have been looking me up online???? That's weird in itself) about Keven and CALLED ME INTO THEIR OFFICE to tell me they thought it was inappropriate for me to write about my son, it was an invasion of his privacy. I said, can we call Keven in and ask how he feels about it? They were shocked that he even knew about it. Keven came in and said "yeah, I know about it. It helps her. I don't care if she does it". I told them I would never mention the name of their rehab on my blog and I haven't, I referred to it by its initials only PH.
I hope your daughter can someday understand that SHE has impacted your life in such a way that when talking about yourself, you would automatically have to talk about her too. All parents talk about their children. Someday she will get it (I hope) and if not, I think by talking we help others along with ourselves.
Dawn, this guy smiles all the time. Again with the neighbor I mentioned above - I also would never say a thing to the neighbor across the street from me, he is rude, never smiles and he's the pastor of a local church! I would not want him knowing simply because I get a very non-compassionate vibe from him.
Lou! Are you kidding! It was so fun to read your comment! As a matter of fact the reason the conversation started with the mail guy yesterday is because the top piece of mail was from the probation dept!
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