When I was alone with Keven the other day he told me something very alarming. I wasn't going to share it here but what the hell, I share everything here.
On August 17 when he was kicked out of Unidos for using he still had heroin on him. When I picked him up he was high, it was obvious. I took him home and the deal was he could sleep in his bed and then report to court in the morning to turn himself in to jail.
That night he used the rest of the heroin he had on him and in his state of mind decided it would be a good idea to just die, so he also took a handful of Trazadone. I knew something was up because I heard him up several times throwing up. Then in the morning, I could barely wake him. I didn't think much of it since it was typical behavior after using.
But apparently he said he was in and out of consciousness and felt like he was dying.
It took me till 2 pm that day to get him out of bed, I'd wake him and he'd immediately pass out again. I was getting so angry at him. I felt like something was wrong, but didn't realize how bad it was and my anger outweighed my concern.
Which makes me wonder - wouldn't it be good if we (addicts and their friends and families) have access to Narcan so if they did OD they would have a better chance of survival?
10 comments:
I don't know what Narcan is...but you can bet I'm googling it. Man,...the things that our addicts do are mind blowing...aren't they? How the hell have we all gone through all of this and are still putting one foot in front of the other,...and writing about it to boot ? I also have to blog later on today to get some advice about my best friend and what her daughter is doing right now...with her heroin using boyfriend. :( She and I would have NEVER thought that both of us would end up with kids so involved with drugs....was there something about having a baby in 1991 ?
Barbara, what a terrifying thing to learn. I am sure my anger would have take over the feeling of concern as well. Please take care of yourself.
Lori, Kev was born in Dec. 90 - pretty darn close to 91.
Teri, I kind of feel stupid for not realizing how serious it was that he could not stay awake. Live and learn.
Oh, Barbara! This just makes me sooooo sad to read about! Sad for Keven and sad for you! I wish I could just hug you both and keep you both from any more hurt and pain. Continuing to pray for both you and Keven. Take care!
Shelley in SK
SCARY!!!!! Like OMG scary...
I can't tell you how many times my Mom would try to wake him up and he simply couldn't wake up. Then when he went to jail in January I found out it was Heroin he was using, because several of his friends called me and told me how many times they all thought that he had OD'd because he didn't know when to stop! Yea other addicts telling me he was out of control using too much and how many times his eyes were just rolling back in his head. I will be looking that up as well. We can never be too careful. There are just times I would rather not know.
You are a hell of a mother you know! I'm full of admiration.
I've walked many miles in your shoes, I know of your frustration, my daughter was addicted to alcohol.
Addiction makes me want to puke on a daily basis. But then they'd call it bulimia and that wouldn't be good...
I'm glad I found your blog.
A lot of people do not really know this, but a saline solution is what EMT often use before narcan. And it really works. It has to be injected IV, though. But, to take a little salt in a spoon, add water, dissolve, put into syringe, and inject. (Narcan is also injected.) Anyway, the saline will bring them back right away, especially at the point their lips are turning blue. I have done it many times, and I think it saved quite a few lives. I am not sure if it will neutralize the effects of pills, though...but it definitely works on a blue lipped heroin OD. Also, to get them in the shower works to revive momentarily, at least. (Even w pills.) Help them to stand up, walk them around, even if they are barely holding onto you, and you have to support their weight...put them in the shower and turn it on. It will bring them to, at least while the water hits them. The problem with the shower and walking them around is you have to keep it up until you are sure they are revived, or else they can fall back into it. Salt water, however, always works...and it will pull them out of the stupor like the girl on pulp fiction. It works....
Thank you for the comments on anger - it can be the one emotion that is more scary than the fear when we struggle with "why in this world did(s)he poison the body again?" Or,
"What in this world is so terrible that they no longer want to participate?" I've been angry to the point that I wanted to end my own pain and take the consequences of an obviously insane decision in that few seconds when we realize the drug has taken over and life is tenuous. I'm glad to have your blog to explore especially in those dark nights when life seems so alone.
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