THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG ABOUT MY SON'S ADDICTION. I no longer write here, but you can find me at the blog listed to the right, "Heroin Addiction - Ten Years In".
Not worrying is hard, but if I really trust that those I love have a Higher Power, then I don't worry. Keven will do what he will, with or without your worrying. Take care. Celebrate your birthday week. You know you do get the whole week!
Thanks so much for stopping by my "only-updated-once-in-a-while" blog recently. I appreciate your support. I want you to know that we ARE continuing our son's random UA's. I wrote an update about it on my blog today. Do you know anything about K2 or Spice? That's what we're dealing with now.
I hope you had a relaxing, peaceful birthday. (My big 50 is coming up. Yikes! How can THAT be possible?!!) And I wish you much peace as you continue your amazing journey. Thanks for being you.
Marj! Its so great to see you here. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with K2 Spice - its kind of like fake marijuana but its not good for you at all, its got a lot of gross chemicals in it. The sad thing is - its LEGAL. Many states are trying to ban it. I am pretty sure Keven may be using it right now because its the only thing that will not show up on a drug test. How old is your son? Has he used other drugs?
Thank God that K2 is banned in TN and VA both, because our town is half in TN and half in VA. I hope things will improve for Keven. It is up to him alone. Sending you hope and peace.
A long long time ago, in a rehab far away.... our first counselor really pissed me off one night. My daughter had been discharged after 30 days, and we were attending a weekly Family Group therapy session, and she was supposed to meet us there, coming from her very first sober home. Walking distance. Well, she was late, and the counselor came out to get me, outside the building, and said, "don't worry about it. she's an addict. she runs on addict time. she'll probably show up late and 99% of the time, you've worried for nothing." I argued with her, swearing that I could FEEL that something was wrong, and I was afraid she was using. She did get me into the meeting, after reminding me that I could worry until she got there.... or didn't.... but I was using energy to worry about her, that I could be using to work on me. I was so angry. The following week I was right there, righteously pointing out that in fact, I was right. My daughter had relapsed, big time, been kicked out of the sober home, and was "out there again, on a good one."
Gently, the counselor reminded me that again, I could stew and worry, or I could work on me. I am such a slow learner, Barbara. It was a long time before I got to this point, but now, I know when I get that awful feeling, that I can worry, or I can keep on living until reality in some form presents itself that either there was nothing to worry about (most of the time), or perhaps indeed there is an issue to deal with.
I don't know if this makes sense, but my suggestion would be to keep taking care of you. Keep working on the detachment, the encouraging loving of Keven from a safe distance, etc. He has to learn this for himself. All of it.
Another thing the counselor told me, and luckily by then I was catching on, or I would have decked her.... my daughter (and your son!) have to learn this stuff for themselves and reach a point that they decide for themselves if sobriety is important to them, and how to survive in this world, etc, because I'M NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOREVER. Neither are you. As much as we love them, we will leave them one day, and they really need to know what they stand for, what they want for themselves, and how to get it.
Still not sure I'm making sense - it's been a long day. But hey, I'm thinking of you and praying for you and Keven. You're an awesome Mom, never doubt that. But it's his turn now. And that is hard to watch sometimes. BIG HUGS and hang in there.
Wow! Thanks for the reminders, Her Big Sad. I don't have an addict, but I am constantly worrying about everything...things that aren't about me or my life and am struggling with letting my son 'go'! Mostly the issue IS with me...me needing to 'get my own life' and 'find my new purpose in life' now that he has 'flown the coupe'! Empty nest syndrome, MAJOR! Thanks for sharing!
Anon, Her Big Sad is one of my many mentors in this area. Good luck with empty nest - I don't know if mine is empty for good or if he will fly back into the coop someday!
8 comments:
Not worrying is hard, but if I really trust that those I love have a Higher Power, then I don't worry. Keven will do what he will, with or without your worrying. Take care. Celebrate your birthday week. You know you do get the whole week!
Thanks so much for stopping by my "only-updated-once-in-a-while" blog recently. I appreciate your support. I want you to know that we ARE continuing our son's random UA's. I wrote an update about it on my blog today. Do you know anything about K2 or Spice? That's what we're dealing with now.
I hope you had a relaxing, peaceful birthday. (My big 50 is coming up. Yikes! How can THAT be possible?!!) And I wish you much peace as you continue your amazing journey. Thanks for being you.
Syd, thank you. I needed to hear that.
Marj! Its so great to see you here. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with K2 Spice - its kind of like fake marijuana but its not good for you at all, its got a lot of gross chemicals in it. The sad thing is - its LEGAL. Many states are trying to ban it. I am pretty sure Keven may be using it right now because its the only thing that will not show up on a drug test. How old is your son? Has he used other drugs?
I'm sorry Barb. I hope that your feelings about Keven are wrong and he's still doing okay.
Thank God that K2 is banned in TN and VA both, because our town is half in TN and half in VA. I hope things will improve for Keven. It is up to him alone. Sending you hope and peace.
A long long time ago, in a rehab far away.... our first counselor really pissed me off one night. My daughter had been discharged after 30 days, and we were attending a weekly Family Group therapy session, and she was supposed to meet us there, coming from her very first sober home. Walking distance. Well, she was late, and the counselor came out to get me, outside the building, and said, "don't worry about it. she's an addict. she runs on addict time. she'll probably show up late and 99% of the time, you've worried for nothing." I argued with her, swearing that I could FEEL that something was wrong, and I was afraid she was using. She did get me into the meeting, after reminding me that I could worry until she got there.... or didn't.... but I was using energy to worry about her, that I could be using to work on me. I was so angry. The following week I was right there, righteously pointing out that in fact, I was right. My daughter had relapsed, big time, been kicked out of the sober home, and was "out there again, on a good one."
Gently, the counselor reminded me that again, I could stew and worry, or I could work on me. I am such a slow learner, Barbara. It was a long time before I got to this point, but now, I know when I get that awful feeling, that I can worry, or I can keep on living until reality in some form presents itself that either there was nothing to worry about (most of the time), or perhaps indeed there is an issue to deal with.
I don't know if this makes sense, but my suggestion would be to keep taking care of you. Keep working on the detachment, the encouraging loving of Keven from a safe distance, etc. He has to learn this for himself. All of it.
Another thing the counselor told me, and luckily by then I was catching on, or I would have decked her.... my daughter (and your son!) have to learn this stuff for themselves and reach a point that they decide for themselves if sobriety is important to them, and how to survive in this world, etc, because I'M NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOREVER. Neither are you. As much as we love them, we will leave them one day, and they really need to know what they stand for, what they want for themselves, and how to get it.
Still not sure I'm making sense - it's been a long day. But hey, I'm thinking of you and praying for you and Keven. You're an awesome Mom, never doubt that. But it's his turn now. And that is hard to watch sometimes. BIG HUGS and hang in there.
Wow! Thanks for the reminders, Her Big Sad. I don't have an addict, but I am constantly worrying about everything...things that aren't about me or my life and am struggling with letting my son 'go'! Mostly the issue IS with me...me needing to 'get my own life' and 'find my new purpose in life' now that he has 'flown the coupe'! Empty nest syndrome, MAJOR! Thanks for sharing!
Anon, Her Big Sad is one of my many mentors in this area. Good luck with empty nest - I don't know if mine is empty for good or if he will fly back into the coop someday!
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