I admit I used to spy on my son's myspace page to find out what he was up to concerning drugs and its how I found out he was dealing (before he was an addict). Well now he has ASKED me to go on there for him and read his messages and respond to them and give people his address in jail.
The sad thing is, no one is writing him. His friends dumped him long ago (except the ones that already know).
I feel weird going on there, but its nice to connect with his friends that know me and the ones that seem safe. I chatted with a few that thought I was him but told them up front it was me and they still wanted to talk.
I don't know if this is enabling or not.
Frankly with the other issue going on in my life, this seems minor. I don't know how much more I can take but the breaking point is not far.
3 comments:
I used to look on my son's Myspace until I figured out it was hurting me more than helping him. He also requested phone numbers and that I contact his "friends" to give them his address and visitation schedule when he was in jail. I refused, knowing that any friends he had left were not capable of being his friend. I can feel you are overwhelmed, please take it easy on yourself and be there for you. A big cyber hug for you from me!
My daughter had a very sick (addicted) boyfriend, arrested 20 times, finally sent to prison for a year. All the mothers of the kids who had hung out with him were relieved to have a moment for their own kids to breathe. We thought having space from this young man would help the world at large. (This was back in the day when I blamed others for my daughter's addiction.) His mother stepped in to assure that no contacts were cut off. She found addresses for him of all the people he couldn't live without, provided stamps, mailed letters, called 'friends'. She even started writing letters herself expressing her love for his friends. I'm sure she just loved her son while the rest of us tried to figure out how to give our kids a break from him. So, there's the other side too. I write that knowing that my daughter wasn't good for anyone for a while there. But, mothers always thought she was because she was so sweet. Be kind to yourself. God loves your son. Sometimes a break in all these so-called friendships is a big blessing in disguise.
I think that it helps to take an inventory of what I'm doing. I look at my motives and then feel what is going on inside. That has helped me to not enable and to lower my expectations of another.
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