I had no idea that "T's" son suffered from depression and on and again off again suicide talk or attempts. "T" and I shared a few emails. It seemed that her son, a teen at the time, was getting better so I was shocked to hear that he followed through and took his own life.
HOW
DOES
A
PARENT
SURVIVE
SUCH
HEARTACHE?
Its been quite a few years since it happened. I actually got to know "T" a little better since then but never mentioned her son to her. I always wanted to. I have a million questions. But she is a quiet person and and I just don't know her all that well.
Today we were both having our hair done and I noticed her son's name tattooed on her ankle. I have K's name on my ankle too. I don't know what the point of his post is, but seeing her made my heart ache and fill with fear.
At the moment I am literally surrounded by piles of paperwork from the last 8 years trying to find "evidence" that K's depression/anxiety has been "chronic and persistent". Ugh. I don't have too much to prove that but I am trying.
I hope all of you are doing well. I can't wait to kick back in my recliner later and READ YOUR BLOGS.
OH MY GOSH! THIS IS SO FLIPPIN WILD, CHECK THIS OUT!
Ok, I am crying. This is just too "coincidental". You know how I just told you about "T" and her son? You know how I am surrounded by piles of papers digging through to find medical stuff on K? Well, after hitting publish on this post I picked up a piece of paper and unfolded it. It was a poem written by her son and included in his memorial.
I can't stop crying looking at his face. I didnt' go to the memorial. I didn't even know I had this piece of paper, its a photocopy. I must have asked someone if I could take a copy of it. I don't know if I should share the poem here or not, I should probably respect their privacy but somehow I think "T" would say it would be okay, I may ask her.
Oh my God....Dear Jesus - why? Why do you let people "end their pain" instead of taking it away? How can you take this family through such agony? This is why I walked away from God for a year....I was (and still am) so pissed off at how much pain is in this life. I believe again, I guess. I don't even know sometimes. I am tired of the simple answers "his ways are beyond ours". This boy was 17 years old. 17. With loving parents and brother, and friends and a bright future (with proper medical care for depression). He could not bear life. I am going to ask "T" if I can post his poem here. It says so much.
Wow. I am just blown away that out of hundreds of pieces of paper here on my bed I picked that one up....
1 comment:
It seems to me that you finding that poem after seeing her, talking to her, thinking about her son, is probably the workings of God. Similar things have happened to me. The night of my mother's funeral, her great, great grandaughter (who she never got to meet) was playing in my kitchen and opened a cookbook off a shelf in my kitchen. I was in my bedroom mourning and just distraught. Out of the book fell a card my mom had given to me about 15 years prior with an angel on the front and two full pages of writing. The little one brought it to me at just the moment I needed it, it sits on my mirror in my room now. My auntie just died and the night of her funeral I had taken a few flowers from an arrangment I had bought and was looking for a book at home to press them in. I found an old book of my mom's and out of it fell a card from my Aunt, one she had bought for my mom but sent to me after my mom passed, again with two full pages of writing to me. I just don't think any of it is coincidence:) Your story (and the poem if you are able to post it) may change someone's life that is suffering, it is never really coincidence.
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