Whew, court was emotional today, not just about K but seeing all the changed lives. I saw about 25 different people go before the judge (who is an amazing woman, encouraging, compassionate and positive yet firm) and share their progress in the program. All but one did well and the one who did not, well she was handcuffed right then and there for an overnight in jail. They don't mess around. She started crying cause she had her dog in the car but they made sure it was taken care of by calling her mom.
They reviewed's case after all the program attendees were dismissed. He was the only one in the cage today. I am impressed at how they care about each person. The judge had six people at her bench discussing K. I could read the faces and knew they were not going to let him out.
Then she called ME up there. She is very down to earth and caring. She took about five minutes to explain to me why they felt K needed to stay in custody (doesn't that sound nicer than "in jail"?) and wait for the program. I was in full agreement.
Her bottom line to me was, "I am afraid if I let him out, he'll die, and he's too good a person to let that happen to." She said he is one of the most serious heroin users she's seen (of his age group) in her 15 years and that they found scars, bruises and fresh needle marks all over him when he was arrested. I wanted to throw up when she said that, and I must have looked it because some woman kind of took my elbow and gave me one of those "it's going to be okay" looks.
I stayed to listen to her tell K the news. She said she understands and agrees that being in jail is not where he needs to be right now, he needs to be in a recovery home, "PH", but that waiting in jail is the safest option for him. He didn't argue but he did ask a ton of questions about how long it would be. When she heard that they had not even been to visit him yet (they were suppose to do it within two weeks and its been three) she immediately told someone to call them and get things moving that it this was top priority. That mad(and me) feel good.
Her courtroom is a fascinating place to be. There is so much hope and encouragement in that room. You can feel it. But you also see what happens if you test dirty or lie. One kid lied (he forged his AA attendance card) and she knew it at a glance! She said "I am giving you an opportunity to tell me the truth. If you admit you forged this you are forgiven if you lie about it and it turns out you forged it, you go to jail" The kid admitted it and got a lecture and a second chance.
I am glad K is part of this Recovery Court program. Its actually twofold - addressing addiction and mental health. After court adjourned K's Probation Officer followed me out, introduced himself to me and talked to me at length about K, his plan for K and how he needs me to cooperate by distancing myself from K from this point on and letting him, the PO, be the main person in Ks life right now. I agreed to that.
Then Mr. O (the PO) introduced me to someone from the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) program and said that he thinks it would be helpful for me to be involved in their family program to better understand what K is going through with his mental health problems (I can't even remember if I told you what he was diagnosed with, but there were four things, two I knew about, one I expected and the other was a surprise but in hindsight its very evident).
So, I feel good. I feel that the right decision was made and I feel a HUGE relief that he is not going to be under my roof yet. Yes, he's scared. Yes, there is some danger in being there. BUT, its far safer than him being home and anywhere near someone who can get hi m heroin.
How did I not know how bad his using had gotten? I am not going to waste my emotional energy trying to figure that out....it doesn't matter what I did or did not do right in the past, it only matters what I do from this point on.
Anyhow, thanks to one and all for caring.
15 comments:
I'm glad for you and hopeful for Keven. I know how scary this all must be for you. It must be terribly hard to hear that your son might die from a judge. I'm hoping that you will get some rest and take care of yourself.
"How did I not know how bad his using had gotten?"
Because their are very few who are greater at deception than addicts.
It sounds like Keven is headed in the right direction.
What Syd and Mike said. Don't blame yourself for not knowing - you weren't meant to know.
I am so glad, along with you. This is the bestest outcome.
That poor girl and her dog in her car :( But it needs to be like this. The seriousness of things, the straight shitty results that happen if you slip up once - that must be SUCH a relief for her and for Keven and for everyone else there. WE all want saving from our fucked-up selves, don't we.
I really hope as part of this course there is some sort of teaching about meditation. I don't know if that sounds wanky or not, but learning to be still and be in the "is" is a pretty damn cool tool to have in your foolbox.
Hugs to you, BBQ.
Syd, Thanks...I feel like I do need rest, its amazing how much these things take out of you.
Mike. Right. Exactly right.
Sue, you have a way with words. He's asked for some new books...maybe one on mediation? any suggestions?
Aphra! I love you too. Thanks for caring.
Barbara - I could hear the relief in your words! I'm glad you feel better!
Oh, sorry, I wouldn't have a clue about books.
I'm with the others. You must be really tired and now you need some good quality guilt-free R&R (and to listen to some too :)
Wow, sweet friend. I didn't know you were writing here. How the heck did I miss this?
I've bookmarked it.
Im glad you found some compassion and caring in that courtroom. I do hope Keven gets into treatment asap. xx
This type of strict, court-monitored program saved my brother's life. Even if you would have known, there's no action that you could've taken that would have saved the day. I agree with Mike. Addicts are amazingly good at deception. I hope you will find a way to move you to the top of your list of worries now. You deserve some recovery too.
For you, this is such the right thing. Keven is truly where he needs to be and if he is willing to make the most of every step, then they will be steps in the right direction. My son reminds me all the time that addicts know how to manipulate and they focus on those of us that love them the most. It is the reality and that is why you didn't know. It is why most of us don't know until the addict himself/herself starts to lose control, but of course by then it is too late.
This is one step at a time for him and for you in your own recovery. Be proud of yourself...in reality you are demonstrating the amazing amount of love you have for him by allowing him to take responsibility for his life and his addiction and his recovery. Bravo to you! Give yourself a treat (I personally like massages) and say a prayer of thanks and continue your own recovery one day at a time. Your post, every word, was wonderful.
Oh, I wish my daughter had come across a similar judge long before now.
I agree with all here that you are awesome, and there is hope for your son
~hugs~
Madison, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I am thinking this might be what saves Kev's life too.
Dad - thank you. Those words mean a lot coming from you. I tried patting myself on the back but injured it again so can't move in that position :)
Lisa, Great words of wisdom from experience. I get a massage every month if I like it or not (ha, I love it) but ironically have to wait till my back is better to get one. I am in desperate need. Yes, addicts manipulate the ones they love the most.
Athena, thank you! This judge is in a special court. I think I will write about it later. I think all counties need this type of program.
Wow, I didn't even know there was a court like this. Pretty awesome court and judge. He is at work in Keven's life; I see it. And it's nice to see some tax dollars at work as well. It sounds like Keven is in "good hands". Now you can focus on yourself.
Having sat in court many times with judges who don't give a damn, I am amazed at the miracles you have described from that courtroom. God has guided Keven to a wonderful program...now is the time for you to practice faith that He will continue to guide his recovery. God bless you. You are in my prayers.
Paul, its one of those things you don't know about until your "in the system". I'm glad your kids have stayed on the right path.
Kay, she really is amazing and I think Keven realizes its a privilege to be accepted into this program. They don't take you unless you meet all the qualifications, one of which is being grateful for the opportunity. We are blessed.
Post a Comment