Its a hard night emotionally. I miss him, I want to see him and hold him. I am worried about him on so many levels. I fear for him. I just need to talk about all this.
I feel very alone, but I know I am not. I know other parents hurt like this too.
I can't distinguish where the hurt is coming from because so many areas of my life are aching right now.
I am trying to keep busy with a mindless projects but I have too many negative images in my head.
Damn it. Why does life have to hurt so much. I want to turn back time and change so many things that have happened recently.
I have something important to do tomorrow, thank goodness it will keep my mind occupied.
4 comments:
Been there. You will find a way to live in peace in spite of Keven's circumstances. Keep the faith.
I know how much you hurt and you long to be able to see and talk to your son. However, all things equal and if he were to walk out of jail today and into your house, you would miss him even more, because right now he is not the little boy, Keven, that you are missing. It would be the heroine that is driving him; and Keven's love and compassion, humor and self-confidence would not be there. And sometimes that is more painful to deal with, because you are missing someone that isn't there right now. Being in jail may allow him the opportunity to start to find himself and battle this addiction demon. That is where your "peace" will come from, because you are giving him the space whether you want to or not, to fight this battle and that is what has to happen for the young man that you love so much to be able to come back. Hang in there and just know that he is safe at night, he is not on the streets and if he wants to, this is the start of a great journey for him and for you. God bless and you are in my prayers.
I think that each of us wants to change the past and others. I am glad to understand just how powerless I am over others. The past is gone. I just have today. Hang in there.
Thanks, Madison I feel better already.
D & M, Thanks, I needed that. Especially the very last sentence.
Lisa, excellent words of wisdom, thank you so much. You're so right, he's not the Keven I know and love. When I wrote him today I told him I had not seen that Keven in a year and was hoping to get to know him again one day soon.
Syd, you scare me. In a good way - cause you always zero in on things. ALL OF YOU DO.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS....THEY MEAN MORE TO ME THAN JUST ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE RIGHT NOW!
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