This time he's looking at up to 6 months in a six man cell with 4 gang members who like him as a person but are required by the law of their gang to not like him and possibly hurt him. There was fear in his eyes today and he told me that no matter what they started something he'd go down fighting.
This is NOT what a mother needs to hear on top of all the other worries.
On the bright side he articulated his plans, his thoughts and what he's learning very well in a mature way. I looked straight in his eyes wondering if he meant it or prepared it to say because it was all the right words.
Saw Ant too and where the police dog bit his arm and dragged him, also got his leg thus messing up a very cool tattoo. He was in good spirits and again saying "this is it". They always say that...but it never is.
Also found out the guy that OD's recently, the one that K resuscitated, is in a 6 month program. I am glad to hear that for his sake but mostly to keep him the hell away from my son.
My heart is heavy tonight. This is a big week for us at court. We will find out if K waits in Jail for the Program or if he waits at home. I want him home, but is it really the best?
QUESTION: IS THE PHOTO ON THE TOP OF THIS BLOG TOO GRAPHIC? IF ANYONE FEELS THAT ITS INAPPROPRIATE OR TRIGGERS ANYONE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I WILL REMOVE IT. (feel free to comment anonymously if you'd like)
9 comments:
After I read your post - I read back through others again and saw this:
"5. Things that are good about Keven being in jail:
- I dont' have to wonder where he is
- I dont' have to wonder if he's going to OD
- I don't have to worry all night because of the above two
- I don't have to hide my car keys, money and valuable
- I save money buy not having to feed him or drive him places
- He is clean!
- He is safe!
- He is learning from this (hopefully)
- He has lots of time to read, go to meetings and think about life"
Remember, this is out of your control! You haven't been well lately - this will give you time to take care of YOU! I know all of us parents think of things we coulda shoulda woulda done, but we did the best we could do at the time. As far as you not feeling God's love, I think love from any source is sent from God - for example - your fellow blogger parents! My prayers are with you and Keven!
If jail wasn't scary, what would keep people from going back. Maybe this will be an eye opener for him to do better. He has the chance this time. I hope he can take advantage of it. I will pray for him that things will be better for him this time and that he is protected from harm in jail.
Living with a gang is the least of Keven's problems. The gang he makes a choice to hang with outside of jail is a group of kids who are dying. I'd choose jail and pray.
Thanks for the update. Great comments here from people who know. Please take good care of Barbara through all of this.
The photo is pretty tame compared to what it could be. Say, for instance, a still from "Requiem for a Dream".
But as for being triggering for addicts, well that's another story. One which I am not qualified to comment on. I never used needles.
Barbara, I hope that Kevin recognizes that jail isn't fun. Maybe if things are unpleasant enough, he will make a decision to get clean. I hope so.
I totally understand your fear of Keven being hurt in jail. If my son ever gets arrested, he will be in one of the toughest jails in the state-- full of two notorious and dangerous gang members. HOWEVER, my son just told me that he had a gun shoved in his face while trying to buy drugs. So, no matter what, our kids are in danger every time they buy drugs from dealers. I can only pray that Keven will be shaken enough that he won't want to put himself into that position again. It's heart-breaking, I know. I'm grieving over my son's messed up life today. He told me things that broke my heart in two.
You have so much support here. I'm following you, praying for you and I do care.
Regarding your photo-- IMO, it's harsh, it's reality. It's the way it is and isn't pretty. People can choose to just not look at it. It doesn't bother me. How considerate of you to ask!
I didn't realise this blog exist until you pointed out today. It's such an eye-opening blog..
Thanks for all the great comments everyone...too tired to answer each one this time!
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