I was shocked. I was not expecting to see anything like that. He has other court costs to pay as well.
Obviously this is his bill to pay, not mine, but of course, I am concerned. Its one of those times when I ask if it would be enabling of me to call the probation office and ask them how long he has to pay this? I mean it could take years, he has no job and probably won't for a long time. What are the consequences of him not paying for a long time?
Have any of you ever dealt with this issue? I simply can't fork out another dime on his problem. I have spent over $4,000 this year my mom has spent 10,000 this year and my sister 5,000. All of those costs were either for hospital, medical or rehab and repairs to his truck (which sold last week for less than the amount of repairs they paid for it...but at least it went to a good home and we got some of the money back).
Having an addict is more expensive than sending your kid to college :(
I have learned and will not be spending any more money on him other than buying him books, food and his meds.
15 comments:
Dad, I know you're right. I still struggle with the "buts". But...it will stress him out and he will use again. But...it will ruin his credit. But...
I wish I never would have paid his other bills - all this started one WEEK after he turned 18 so legally its been his responsibility.
Thanks for your words....I rely on you to tell it to me straight. It always helps.
My son gets bills every month for probation services here in California. He set up a payment plan and is supposed to have started paying $100 per month as of October. He hasn't paid anything yet. I don't get involved with it nor any of his medical bills, etc. I am not sure if they violate probation for that or not, again not my problem, it is his. Just let it go...give it to your son and God to handle, we have to stay out of their way of growth.
My son gets bills every month for probation services here in California. He set up a payment plan and is supposed to have started paying $100 per month as of October. He hasn't paid anything yet. I don't get involved with it nor any of his medical bills, etc. I am not sure if they violate probation for that or not, again not my problem, it is his. Just let it go...give it to your son and God to handle, we have to stay out of their way of growth.
Mom of OA, I am learning. Its hard. Didn't realize how much I did for him that I should not have. Expensive lessons.
Mom of OA, I am learning. Its hard. Didn't realize how much I did for him that I should not have. Expensive lessons.
Barbara, I like the saying, if it doesn't have my name on it, I don't pick it up.
Barbara, I like the saying, if it doesn't have my name on it, I don't pick it up.
We all have had those expensive lessons and are all still learning. I often second guess and don't trust myself when it comes to my son. It is just such a hard thing and I don't know if there is any "right or wrong" answers, everyone is different and we each have our own unique journey. Much light your way and take care of you.
We all have had those expensive lessons and are all still learning. I often second guess and don't trust myself when it comes to my son. It is just such a hard thing and I don't know if there is any "right or wrong" answers, everyone is different and we each have our own unique journey. Much light your way and take care of you.
Syd, wow...that would take every ounce of my self discipline! I am too curious but you have a good point.
Thank you Mom, same back to you.
Dad, I love the Cancun vacation..glad you could laugh about it. Its all we can do sometimes.
Syd, wow...that would take every ounce of my self discipline! I am too curious but you have a good point.
Thank you Mom, same back to you.
Dad, I love the Cancun vacation..glad you could laugh about it. Its all we can do sometimes.
Barbara, if and when Keven wants to pay HIS bills he can simply get a ride (from someone other than you) to the county probation department and they will work out a payment plan based on his income. They will also forgive a huge amount of the bill.
All he has to do is show good faith,and make a few payments. My son was offered deal after deal, and he never paid one cent. Now his fines are in the thousands too. Do you know Keven will get a bill for county jail?? I mean really, WHO pays those.
Andrew's dad and I used to rationalize that we paid for our daughter's college so the money we spent on Andrew's rehabs was his "college money." Believe me, after 3 rehabs, we were way over the cost of a college education.
I can't believe we even told ourselves that!
Lou!!! so good to see you. Thanks for sharing that with me. I have enough on my mind these days to not have to wonder about that too. Hope A. is doing well.
If doing anything would heal Keven's brain, I'd say do that. Paying or negotiating his bills would not fall into that category or rich people wouldn't have addicted loved ones.
Yep, my daughter gets those bills too. And we outgrew the bowl that we had for her bills.... we've moved on to a bin from Walmart. Seriously. They just sit. Probation is after her and say they will violate her if she doesn't start paying $100 a month, but others in program are telling her just throw them $25 or so and tell them its all you've got. Any idiot knows that violating her and sending her back in will only make the bill grow. At $100 a month, she's at least nine years from getting that one paid. She's not even worried. She also knows that the IRS is on her trail. She is tens of thousands in debt. She just shrugs and says, only one company can garnish her wages at a time, and once one starts, the rest just have to wait. Plus they have to leave her a certain percentage to live on. So she's going to just let it happen as it happens.
I find the whole thing horrifying, but I no longer even open them. I just lift the lid on the bin, and slide them in. I'm with "Dad and Mom" on this one - don't even call probation about this particular issue....
Hang in there, you're doing great!
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