I just woke from a terrible nightmare, I literally woke myself by yelling "what are you doing!" It was a dream about finding a message on K's cell phone from his dealer saying to come and pick up some drugs. It was only a dream...
Then I checked my email and received one from a mother who lives near me who lost her 24 year old daughter to heroin three years ago. Lost...gone forever...
I'm not sure what to do, but I have to do something. Something has to change. Since finding out about K's drug use a year ago I've met so many of "us", parents that live in fear of what this dear woman who wrote me is living.
Obviously our government does not give a damn that tons of this crap (90% is coming from Afghanistan, the rest is from either Mexico, South America or Southeast Asia) coming into our country. If it was not HERE they could not get addicted. Sure, they could still find another drug of choice but none of them are as dangerous as heroin.
Teaching our kids not to use drugs obviously does not work. Raising them right and loving them doesn't make a difference, at least not for all children. How many of us have thought "it will never happen to my kid" or "My son/daughter knows the dangers of drugs and would never try them", etc. etc. I THOUGHT THAT TOO.
I'm sorry. I am just so upset about all this right now. I want to DO SOMETHING. I am tired of hearing heartbreaking stories as I helplessly sit by and watch more lives ruined and destroyed.
I think my nightmare was so upsetting because I know that there is a very strong chance K will go back to using eventually. It just seems to be the way most heroin users finally stop....jail or death. I will not give up hope that our kids can beat the odds, but the reality of the statistics are frightening.
9 comments:
I can relate to this. :o( My husband and I both have come to the place of accepting that the reality is that we could lose our daughter to this disease. We pray not but.....
This is one of those times where I wish I had some great encouraging and positive words or some wonderful answer that you hadn't thought of.
One of the worst feelings is knowing that you cannot fix something or help someone.
For every drug dealer and addict that gets behind bars or dies, there are (at least) 20 more still out there willing to make huge sacrifices to bring it here or get it. Where there is a will there is a way and the will of an addict or someone driven to traffic for huge amounts of money and power is endless.
The reality is harsh and disheartening, but you are right to never give up hope. ((HUGS))
If Keven did not do heroin, you would not feel any safer with his second choice.
Barbara,
The only thing I can think to say is, "Where there is life there is hope."
I'm not really into cliches, but sometimes that is all we have to fall back on. Focus on the hope that is within you. Focus on the positive, that beautiful baby you raised is not gone he is just lost. Every single day there are thousands of addicts that decide this is the last I will ever use again, and then proceed to honor that to themselves.
Sometimes it takes patience and love, all you can do and all you are really doing is waiting for Keven's day.
I of course understand your frustation. Mine has always been with the change in the laws regarding prescribing strong opiate based medicines. Not that long ago, you had to have cancer or something very severe to receive strong opiates. Now, you can get them for a backache. It is a machine, but even with it in existence, our kids can still come out on the other side of that. I hate knowing that my son could die at any moment at the hands of opiates, but I accept that most days as my reality and know it is all God's plan.
I personally know 3 of Andrew's old using buddy's who have made it. Don't believe for a minute it cannot happen.
Hi Annette. I have not accepted that yet, but I have found myself imaging his funeral on several occasions.
Shawna, Your LIFE is an encouragement to me!!!!
Madison, I never thought of that. In my mind Meth and Heroin are the killers. You're right.
I guess maybe if enough lawmakers and pharmacuetical executives lose their children and loved ones to opiates, something will change...I was prescribed Oxycodine recently and the dr. did not know me or ask me anything about my history. He just assumed I could handle opiates. I still have them since Keven is not around but obviously I will flush them before he comes home. I was in excruciating pain and they did help but I feel weird about it.
Lou, THANK YOU I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT!
my friend's son is also in recovery from heroin addiction...2 YEARS clean from heroin,...however he has done this via the use of methadone. Despite her strong initial resistance to him using methadone, it has worked well and he's been slowly decreasing his use of the methadone. The plan is that he'll be able to be off the methadone by Jan.,..he's met each milestone along the way for decreasing the amount. Hang in there...and YES, focus on the POSITIVE...altho' I really struggle w/ that same thing. God bless you.
Lori
If a person doesn't want to face life or has a disease of addiction, then there would be a way to get messed up or use something that would alter reality. It's when a person finds a spiritual and an emotional way to cope that life gets better. I hope that Keven finds that.
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