Its very painful to be separated from him on his birthday. Its not like a "holiday" its HIS DAY. Its the one day out of the year we celebrate HIM and we can't be together this year. I can't even call him. My stomach has been in knots all day and if my phone rings (its in my pocket) I grab it on the first ring hoping, hoping, hoping its him....but it hasn't been.
Will he call me tomorrow? I HOPE SO. I don't know what to do with the feelings I have today. I guess just feel them and hope they settle down.
He will be 19 tomorrow. His 18th year was for sure the worst year of my entire life....and I think he would say the same. I told him once he never really got to experience 18 because he was either high, dope sick or incarcerated. The dope sickness was the worst, but it always came with hope that it would be the "last time". Sigh.
Now he's got such a great start on staying clean. And if the other issues are addressed with the right meds, he will have an even greater chance of experiencing 19, of living again, on his terms, rather than being owned by that shit known as heroin.
I noticed I cuss a lot these days....I actually hold back here on the blog :)
Ok. I have to go do something constructive to keep busy.
PLEASE CALL ME, PLEASE CALL ME, PLEASE CALL ME....
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
Songs of the Day:
Lose Yourself - Eminem
P.S. I didn't know you had to belong to the site "Lala" to hear these snippets of songs. Oh well, I will leave them anyhow. Its a free site and I used it mostly just to embed songs.
P.S. I didn't know you had to belong to the site "Lala" to hear these snippets of songs. Oh well, I will leave them anyhow. Its a free site and I used it mostly just to embed songs.
2 comments:
Gosh, 19 is so young. Still an age where they think they are invincible. Maybe they keep him so busy in rehab, he doesn't think about calling. That is not necessarily a bad thing.
Shawna, I read your comment and moments later my phone rang and it was him! Thank you, I think your positive energy flowed over here and helped us :)
Lou, I know, very young. That's what scares me the most. Hey, I am so curious to know how Andrew is doing? Any news?
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