I was Christmas shopping on my lunch break and received a phone call. I was standing in the middle of Kohl's with an armload of stuff and my knees almost buckled, I was so shocked. It was K's school calling to say that they had him "detained" in the principals office with a police officer, and asked me to get there immediately. I tossed the merchandise on the nearest table (normally I would never do that!) and left the store.
When I arrived at the school everyone in the office looked up when I said I was K's mom. The looks on their face seemed to say "your kid really messed up, we feel bad for you but wonder how things ever got to this point...what kind of mother are you?"
I will never forget how I felt when I walked into the principal's office and saw K sitting next to his girlfriend andwith a police officer standing next to him, the principal at her desk. I felt so sad, scared, angry, embarrassed, and very nauseous. It seemed like a bad dream. I'm glad I didn't know how "mild" of an incident that was compared to what we were headed for.
One look at K and I could see he was high. He had been escorted our of class by the cop for being "under the influence". They allowed his girlfriend to come in - I think because they knew they were in a serious relationship and wanted her there, but I am not sure what the purpose of that was.
Long story short, since K was high he freely told us all sorts of details about how he'd been shooting heroin and cocaine for weeks, etc. etc. etc. He rolled up his sleeves and showed us. I almost passed out. I felt the room spinning....where had I been? How had I NOT seen this??? I knew something was wrong with him, but I would not believe it was drugs, I honestly thought it was depression and maybe smoking more weed than usual. Its hard to admit that now.
I took him home, he passed out in bed and I cried for hours having no idea what to do next.
He was expelled from school. It was his senior year and he still has not received a diploma.
So much has happened since then. I'll share more in the days to come. December/January were "eventful" last year.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
8 comments:
Barbara, I'm really sorry that this happened. I remember when this occurred. I don't think that you need to blame yourself. He made a choice and did everything he could to hide his habit. I hope this Christmas is better for you.
I feel for you Barbara. Now I'm going through it a year later. And your questions of "where had I been?" "How had I not seen this?" are mine now. You have helped me so much with your kindness and insights... Oddly enough, I just went through your entire blog today and read every post again. Today you are giving more details of what happened that day than in the prior post. And I felt like I was right there, probably because we got called into the school for my daughter her senior year for drugs, so I could relate to the feelings. Today though, your K is in a different place, a place where he is getting help and hopefully the beginning of a good journey. It does happen. The other blog I read in it's entirety for the second time again today is http://daughteraddiction.blogspot.com/ her daughter successfully got off heroin,
there is hope :)
Syd, thanks. Its much better now than it was then.
Heather's Mom, I am keeping hope :) Thanks for your sweet comment. I don't know how I'd get through all this without the other blogging parents, I am so glad you found us - but so sorry you had a reason to.
You've done a great job writing about all the emotions that are so deeply felt. It's a shame how many of us understand.
I had a similar call but mine was in trouble for selling weed and he had Vicoden on him at age 15. He was put on probation for until he was 18, did some better, but drank like a fish during that time. We all wonder those things when this reality first hits us. And sometimes, I revert back to that, but it only lasts an instant, then I remember the truth, he chose. After I found out, I probably did just the opposite of what I should have, I smothered him, was on him all the time, I was the COP. This went on way too long and did not allow for any consequences or growth on his part. I finally started stepping back about a year or so ago, before my sis died. I am still a work in progress, and I still have hope. BIG FAT HUG!!!!
I have many memories like that one Barbara.. I thought I was going to die the first time I saw my son in handcuffs.. that same day one of my son's friend's mother called me the worst father she had ever met.. it hurt then.. now I realize that she was upset.. and a bit of an a-hole.
The challenge for me has always been to be tough-minded about these things but stay soft hearted. I think that you are doing a good job. The situation is one that scares the greatest amongst us. So don't be too hard on yourself.
Love and blessings,
Bob
Madison,
Thanks. Yes its sad that so many understand.
Mom of OA, we do our best and learn as we go. No one thinks they will have to "parent an addict" when their child is growing up. Its not in all those parenting books that's for sure! Hugs back.
Bob, I can't believe someone said that to you! That's low. But on the other hand I can also relate because K's best friends mom forbid him to hang around with him and called me to tell me she thought K was a bad influence. I was angry and hurt - but I guess she was right. Although her son never did get into drugs and never did stop being K's friend, he even visited him in jail (don't tell his mom!) Bob, you are a wonderful father/husband/friend.
Geez. I knew most of this, but I never heard this story written out like this. I FEEL for you so much.
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