Long Term Withdrawl Affects

Ant called me today, hadn't talked to him in a week so it was great to hear his voice.  He shared something he learned in his drug program that be couldbe  helpful to others, he's mailing it to me I will share it here when I get it.  I always like hearing things straight from the addict vs. "research" and this was a combination of both - he said the research on this topic (long term affects) was right on, and he should know.

He wants me to give the info to K because he has all the "classic symptoms" of what happens in the third to sixth month of not using.  He thinks it will make K feel better to know its "normal" to feel some of the things he's feeling (it makes me feel better!)

He also said that he's lost track of how many drug programs, rehabs, sober living homes etc. he's been in.  It started when he was 16, he will be 23 next week.  He wants to say "this is it, the last time, but he's scared because he may fail again and he doesn't want to disappoint everyone.

That's probably a common fear - disappointing the family, the friends, the ones on the sidelines cheering you on.  I told him its not "disappointment" its more sadness.  Its not felt in a judging way, its more of a concern.  I tried to get him to understand no one is thinking "what a loser, he failed again", they are thinking "Its hard to see him go through this, he must feel awful".  Of course that was my enabling-co-dependent "make everyone feel good" self talking.  I should have just said "it doesn't matter who you disappoint, you need to do this for you".  But I didn't think of that till we hung up.  Sigh.  I'm learning.

He thanked me for a book I sent and said its taken away some fears he had about being a father and he likes the author.  I'm glad cause it was a guess, I had not read the book but I spent hours looking on line reading about books that he may like.  The book is "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers.

When I was with K yesterday I mentioned Ant and he said "Its kind of like you have two kids going through jail/rehab at the same time, huh?"   Sometimes I worry that he will be a bit jealous of Ant and the bond that's grown between us, but he's not (thank God for that).  He laughed and reminded me that I did not like or trust Ant when I first met him but was oblivious to his drug use.  True.  I was oblivious to a lot of things, its called DENIAL.

Ok, enough rambling....going to go to bed early tonight and read.  Goodnight to all of you wonderful people out there - I feel the care and concern and hope you feel it back at ya.