Well, just got a call from one of K's friends. He tried to convince her to go pick him up because he wants to leave...he's in another anxiety attack. She talked him out of it (I hope to God) and promised not to tell me - then she called me. I am glad she called but I feel SICK with worry. I am suppose to pick him up at 8:30 am tomorrow for a probation visit.
Why would he be doing so good, so content and then go the extreme opposite so quickly?
I really don't know how some of you parents that have been dealing with this for years have survived. I feel like throwing up.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
10 comments:
I know you read Madison's recent post "tossing feathers", but read it again if you can, it is so true. It took me until this past year, after much death in my family I think, to start letting go, stop the racing thoughts and worry. I still do it sometimes, but much less and I do think time has had a lot to do with it, along with therapy and meetings, blogs, etc. Be patient and kind to yourself Barbara, that is all you can do. It is good news he stayed, but it is one day at a time, for them and us. (((HUGS)))
Thank you, thank you. I needed to hear that. I'm going to re-read Madison's post.
Barbara, there is really nothing you can do except let Keven suffer the consequences of his actions. It is a hard thing to do but may be a life saver for him.
Anxiety will do that to you and he is in a strange place with strangers. That makes you more anxious. One fear is that you will crumble in front of everyone in some way during an attack. When he gets that under control it will be easier. I can understand that perfectly. You have to be strong too Barb, and make him stay as long as he can.
Fear is only a good reminder that it's time to pray. It's difficult to live a crazy life when your mom is praying. It's easy to live a crazy life when your mom is worrying.
K has a mental illness. Panic attacks happen and can be controlled with the right meds and with K developing stratagies to deal with them, Remeber, worry changes nothing, let go, Let God.
I know it is hard but PH will be better to hold K accountable than you can. If K gets out of PH he must suffer the consequences of his actions. If you bail him out of jams it will be a neverending cycle of the same thing.
If K needs help with his mental illness than he needs to be where he can get it, at PH or someplece like that.
Be strong and if K comes for help and is not serious and in an active recovery than your role is to force him down not to lift him up.
Hugs.
Of course you are worried.
You can't pretend you are NOT.
The first step in Al-Anon says we are Powerless.. against alcoholism (drugs ..whatever).
This is a horrible disease. When they are locked up they can't get drugs... so many parents are actually happy when they are locked up .. so they don't have to worry where they are. I finally understand that.. (hugs). Whatever happens HAPPENS.
I was just thinking of Keven beautiful room waiting for him... but this disease is powerful. Poor Keven. Poor young man.
I hope you are going to Nar-Anon or al-anon... I swear .. parents who children who have had it very terrible.. says they are still full of JOY for their own lives. It saved them.
Oh Barbara. I feel your pain. I really do. This is such a horrible experience for EVERYONE involved.
Hopefully, Keven was just having a bad day/moment and hopefully he is feeling/doing better now.
Im sure with the holidays here he is probably more emotional than usual.
Ditto what many have commented about letting go.. not that I am good at it.
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