Once again I am referring to someone else's blog today. This time its Tom from Recovery Helpdesk writing about his concept of the of letting an addict hit bottom.
He has ten years experience as a drug/alcohol counselor and works mostly with opiate addicts. I like his philosophy because it makes sense to me.
I realize a lot of people disagree with me, think I am wrong for my approach in dealing with Ant and K, but its who I am.
I know my love and support can't save anyone. I am not naive. I don't "need" to try and help anyone in an unhealthy co-dependent way. I am weak, I am flawed, I make lots of mistakes, but I have to follow my instincts and right now that includes being supportive, loving and kind to my boys. For today, I will do that.
Anthony is on his way over here right now. He may ask to stay here again and if so, I have to say no this time. I wish I could say yes but the timing is not good. He got out of detox and they still didn't have a bed for him at the rehab so he's homeless again.
UPDATE: Ant is staying with his grandparents! This is a first, they believe he's serious about staying clean so are letting him stay there till a bed opens at rehab. We had a really nice two hour conversation over coffee. I see maturity in him. I see hope.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
10 comments:
Every addict is different. If that wasn't true then there wouldn't be people who can get off heroin and stay off on their own. I am sure there must be some. For every point he makes there is probably some other counselor that disagrees. This makes it hard to know who and what is right. I agree you have to go with your gut, most of us do. That doesn't mean it is right, but it is your decision. Eventually if what you do doesn't work, you change it. Your loving personality and being supportive are 2 of the most wonderful things about you. I don't agree though, that a lot of times it is motivated by then need to please others and that it can be unhealthy for you. At times I think it clouds your view of others and causes you pain. I think there is a balance, but I don't know exactly what it is or how you find it. My balance is off in the other direction. I am distrustful of most people until I know them a long time, and I am lacking in compassion at times where it may be warranted. I need to work on that I know, it is a constant struggle. Maybe we can find our balance together. I seem to be drawn to people that are overly compassionate which is really strange when you think about it. Most of my close friends and my husband are like that. Any thoughts on it?
Also forgot to mention that I am glad Ant is staying with his grandparents. I think that is a good move and I hope them seeing him through your eyes has helped their relationship.
You are who you are, and if you don't handle things how you deem best, you will hurt. I think you have been doing great :)
I am so happy A has a place to stay with his grandparents. Hopefully a room at the rehab will open shortly.
love & huggs :)
Thanks, Lacey. I've been trying to find balance in my life for years. I'm a Libra - shouldn't that be one of my traits?!? I feel ripped off!
I think you are attracted to compassionate people because you are very compassionate yourself, it just comes across very differently because of other personality traits. Like you said, you are mistrusting...that's for a reason. You've learned to build that wall for a reason. But I KNOW you are caring and compassionate inside. I see it often.
I am glad he's staying at his grandparents too! :)
Tom, you're welcome. Yes it is high risk time. He told me last night that he had an opportunity and didn't do it. But the fact that he was somewhere that an opportunity could arise says it all :(
I agree that you have to be you. You have to live with yourself and your decisions. Unfortunately they do noot turn out the way you want and then you live with hurt. There is nothing wrong with being loving, giving and caring. God bless you Barabara.
Heather's Mom, yeah I am who I am (didn't Popeye say that?) if I like it or not. I hope a place opens quick. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and Heather all the time.
It is nice he is back with Family..because you have enough to do for Keven when he comes back.
((hugs))
And I wonder if anything ever really WORKS or NOT Work...
You know the 3 Cs.. in al-anon.
My thing however is after 21.. GOOD BYE.. a home should be peaceful and not chaotic for parents. Eventually they have to do it or sink.. because what is going to happen if the parent dies. They will have to make it on their own someday.. and either do it or just let parent grow old in peaceful homes..and leave.
Love and kindness are never wrong. And it's okay to set a boundary. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm glad that you are focusing on yourself. That's great. Good that Ant has found a place to stay.
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