I said "no, I didn't, but now I do".
All I can say is, I'm letting go.
P.S. I am not calling him, but I did call Kelly and she called to find out he's in San Clemente somewhere with some guy he met at a mtg. I have a call in to Anthony, I need a hug.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
19 comments:
(((((Hug)))))) I'm sorry hon. You are so right to let go. The gift of health has been offered and he turned away from it. He's made his choice. Let him live it out now. I know.... Not easy.
The time has come to really let go. It's out of your hands. Nothing you can do seems to make any difference. The merry go round has to stop before you get caught up in it one more time. Jump! Wishing you strength and sending hugs!
I think you are right to step off the roller coaster and let go, Barbara.... I will be praying for both of you, and for Ant, Kelly and the rest of our kids. Hug on Sugar and hang on to your family... remember we're here. Fifteen minutes at a time, if you have to. You can walk through this, and God loves him even more than you do... Obviously, that's a whole lotta love! You are and have been, an awesome mom. Its time for a different type of mothering, equally loving, but loving on yourself FIRST. Hugs and love to you.
Tuff, tuff love called for. Damn him! My suggestion is not to call anyone else--friends, Kelly, etc.--don't try to find out where he is. Letting go means you don't try to find out what he is doing, either.
(What he is doing is using, and don't let him tell you a wild tale otherwise when he does call you.)
Damn it, Barbara. I want to shake that boy hard;)
Stop the madness and get on with your life. I am SO sorry he has chosen the easy-to-him path again. Now that HE has chosen what will certainly be the rough road-to-you, do not do any smoothing for him. Make him feel the full impact of his decision. You can do this, Barb.
PS. I meant to add....please don't involve Ant. He has enough on his plate with his own recovery plan.
Hi,
Yes . . . I was going to say don't involve Ant too. He's still in a fragile place. Maybe Kelly is not as clean as you think . . . seems strange they were together, then this. You will only be told lies so there is no point asking. I know that's hard because you want to know. But it wont be the truth so it's not worth knowing. Leave him to it. He will be calling you soon enough, when his/this other guy's money has ran out. Or returning to the rehab place in a "sorry" state. It's just a place to stay when he hasn't got the funds/friends to "use". This could go on for a long time. You're either along for the ride with him . . . Or not. He's chosen that ride, you dont have to. It will make no difference to him either way. But it will to you . . . It will be exhausting, all consuming, and "your life" will, once again, become "his addiction".
Please get off and walk away. You deserve so much more. Hugs n love.
P.S. letting go also means not to check up on him through friends, etc. Ant may go look for him to do you a favor and before he knows it he is back in it too. Letting go is just that: Letting it all go. Go to the book store and get a book or 2 by Melody Beattie. (Co dependent no more, the language of letting go). They are excellent and worth rereading again. Hope this helps!
I'm sorry... so sorry to hear this. His choice... you have to live with it. I am wishing the best for you! Hang in there kiddo.... cuz I know you can, because what else can you do? You have lots of people rooting for you!
I always feel like they fall apart as Christmas approaches...why oh why can they just not hold it together through the holidays? Hugs & Prayers Barbara
Sorry to read this post after following your posts which truly show the trust, love, effort, time, understanding and dedication you put into helping him and others. wishing you all the best for christmas and beyond.
xo Lilly.
my heart hurts about this...and I'm also really pissed, all at the same time. And I really wish I could give you a hug in person. What struck me was the comment about what you do not making a difference to him one way or another. How much we moms need to get that,...that's what the hard part is, beneath the hardest part of watching them be self destructive. I'm sorry Barbara. Just sad and sorry.
I agree with what has been said above. Let it go. Do not accept calls from him and don't involve Ant. It isn't Ant's job to rescue him.
Crap! I am so sorry to hear this. You have done all that you can do and more. You can't stop what is going to happen for Keven next. He made this choice and he will have to live with what happens next. If you decide to speak to him make sure he understand that he is where he is because of the decisions he has made. Sis, you gotta let him go. There is nothing more for you to do. Big HUG! I'll be thinking about you.
Barbara, it is not going to matter what you do. Keven is not done. He goes where he can fake recovery and then he is out again. Getting him together with Kelly and Ant is a mistake. Please let him go now. Time to give him up to his HP. Take care of yourself, get to meetings and extricate from the manipulation. It was just a matter of time. He has done this so many times before. I am sorry. I had a feeling this would not last. It sounded too good too fast.
Sending a big hug your way, Barbara. I think it's good that you're letting go. Be strong. I admire your courage and am glad that you're looking forward to some fun in 2012.
I'm so sorry Barbara. You know, of course, that he's not doing this 'to' you, he's just living to the best of his ability right now.
Mary Christine, thanks for that reminder - I wish my mother could understand that. She helped me raise him so he's like a son to her in many ways and she (at age 87) has a difficult time not taking this personally. :(
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