Today I was walking through a very peaceful and beautiful nature area with my sis and my friend and our dogs. I had this overwhelming desire to call Keven, but I didn't. I texted Anthony instead. He told me he hasn't seen him since the other day but that he calls him several times a day and that he is really bad off, detoxing on his own, and wanting help.
So then I texted Keven, "I love you". He wrote back saying he loved me too, that he was clean at the moment and ready to stop and trying to get help. I wrote back that I had faith in him and knew he could do it, and he wrote back "I know I can too". Then no more texts.
Anthony just called me again to tell me Keven wants to call me, wants me to rescue him but Ant told him all the reasons that was a bad idea.
I know this is not Anthony's problem, but he does best when he's helping other people and he wants to help Keven. He said he seems completely lost.
So, that's the latest. I am fighting all my urges to run and save him, in fact, they aren't as strong as I thought they would be.
Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, you are all precious to me.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
13 comments:
Awesome. You are stronger than you think...It's gotta be hard not to call, but you are doing the right thing. I think I'd have to immerse myself in something (a book, a craft project, a gripping movie...) to distract me, if I were you. My Dad had a saying that was short and easy to remember. It was "God's in charge and all is well."
I pray that you'll feel all the peace and joy possible, during this blessed time of year.
Blessings and gentle hugs~
Stay strong Barbara. Wishing both you and Keven peace in the New Year!
I agree about God being in charge. I certainly am not. Take care and have a good Christmas. I know that you can!
Thinking and praying for you, Keven, & Anthony on this Christmas Eve. Take care, Barbara.
Shelley in SK
Just popped over here to wish you, Keven and Anthony a wonderful Christmas. Thinking and praying for you all at this time and hoping you can find some sort of peace.
Barbara, I remember this kind of Christmas..I've had more than a few of my own. Something that helped me (suggested by a sponsor) was to get a little journal (or a notebook will do) and every day write down 5 things you are grateful for. EVERY day, first thing. It's simple, but it works.
I will get you started today..
1) Keven is alive
2) ?
XOXO
Merry Christmas Barbara! I love what Lou said. I have had Christmases like that too. Lou's idea is a good one.
I will mention too, that though Keven would love for you to make this easier for him, if he is serious about wanting to seek recovery, he can. Without your assistance. Laurie told me long ago that she could RUN a rehab. And teach every class. She (and Keven) have been exposed to so much in the way of tools. Each time they have been in a treatment center, more has been pounded into their craniums. They have knowledge of what the next steps are, they know what they need to do. They know how to find a meeting. And there are marathon meetings this weekend. 24/7. (Some with huge potluck dinners.) Those who want to find recovery, can. Others at the meetings will help him, will get him shelter, watch over him thru detox, will get him to more meetings, etc. It doesn't have to be done at a rehab. And it does not have to involve you. L's friends used to tell me exactly that.... "she knows a ton of sober people and if she wants help, she has us. This isn't your job MamaBury." And they told me that at Christmas, on more than one.
You are an awesome Mom, Barbara. You've done everything you can. You love him and he KNOWS IT. It's up to Keven now. And it's also up to you to take care of you and protect your own life and that of your Mom/Sis. I'm rambling, because the coffee is not done yet and without coffee on board, I usually am pretty discombooberated! Hang in there Barbara and stand strong. You are way stronger than you think, and this day will pass, and the next, etc. I'll keep praying and we're all here for you! ((hug!))
Abbie, thank you for your words and the gentle hug - both appreciated :)
Dawn, yes...I need to and so far so good, thanks.
Syd, ditto! I wish you a good Christmas too.
Thanks, Shelley! I wish you had a blog so I could get to know you better, you're a dear person.
Joey, Thank you, your comment made me cry for some reason, you touched a tender spot (good tears). I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas (its probably over by now!)
Lou, love this idea. I do it in my head throughout the day, but writing something down is more powerful (plus you can go back and read it). Thanks. Here's #2 on the list: Lou
Joy, I like you pre-coffee!!! Oh my gosh you are SO RIGHT. I think Laurie could run a rehab and Keven could be her right hand man. They know it all, the tools, etc. etc. etc. I didn't know about the 24/7 mtgs but that's so great to hear. I hope in 2012 we can spend some time together.
Yes, Joy and Barbara, my daughter could be running it with them. They learn all they need to know at the rehab.
P.S. You can't rescue Keven, you know this already. But Keven can rescue himself if he chooses.
Merry Christmas, dear friend.
Bristol, ha, imagine all our children working at one rehab, us parents could run the family groups.
Yes, I am actually glad he's miserable today because he NEEDS to be to turn himself around. Merry Christmas to you too!!!
Bless you, Merry Christmas. You have so much love to give and Keven is lucky to have you for his mom. Hugs, love to you. Michael
Merry Christmas Barbara....2012 that's your year girl! I just know it, things are going to fall in place. Love to you and your family.
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