Today was just horrible.
Getting the call from the school, sitting there with the cop hearing about my son's drug problem, telling my MOTHER and BROTHER about it (something I thought I'd never do), now I am just sitting.
He's crashed, been crashed for several hours. Do I let him sleep or wake him up? Where the heck did he get heroin? HEROIN? my boy? MY BOY?
What if he wakes up in the middle of the night and freaks out?
I hid all the car keys in the house so he can't leave....unless he calls one of his "bad" friends to come and get him.
I can't read, write or watch tv. I am all wound up. I guess I am writing...
I took tomorrow off so I could sit here all day and watch him but he will HATE that. Tough.
I don't know what to do .....
I am afraid to ever sleep again, that's when he does all this shit - when I am sound asleep. I KNEW, I just didn't know what or how bad....oh my God. Who is that kid in there sleeping?
THIS TOTALLY SUCKS.
November 11, 2009
The Day the Nightmare Began:
Last year, Dec. 18 to be exact, was the beginning of the realization that my son had a serious drug problem. I think its a good thing that we can't foresee our future because if I would have known then what this year would be like...I don't think I could have handled it. One day at a time is more than just a "slogan" its a survival mechanism. Here is what I wrote that day.
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5 comments:
I understand your shock and then your unfolding shock as events occur. It takes such a long time for all this to sink in. And we all live with so much trauma without any preparation. You have to believe that something good will come out of all this. Take care.
Hopefully the PH House admission will be the true first step in your little boy returning to you.
What struck me as I read this was how far you have come in your own recovery. Those first days, when the lightbulb goes off in your head, the realization that your child is an addict; that was in my top three worst days of my life for sure! I hope you see the positive changes you have made. (((HUGS)))
Madison, I have seen good come already, thanks for all you comments, they help.
Bond, I sure hope so :) thanks, Vin.
Mom of OA, thank you. I do feel that I've grown. Still lots more growing to do but have learned SO MUCH this last year. Its kind of like a battle for his life and I am willing to do (or not do) whatever it takes to see him win.
It must have been like a punch in the gut. I'm very sorry Barbara. Glad that you have some resources to help you now and to realize that you can't control what he does.
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