For the most part we talked about all the things he wants to do when he gets home, the kind of car he wants to buy someday, etc. He LOVES cars. But a few things he said scared me. For example: he wants to work out and "get buff" again so he's really big if he goes to prison.
WHAT? Why would he even think that. :(
He said "Mom, there's only two ways it can go, I'll stay clean or go to prison, I just want to be prepared in case that happens".
I reminded him that he has the choice - its not one way or the other, its up to him.
I will just end here. I know he wants to stay clean, he's being "realistic". I just want to hear "I'm never using again, I learned my lesson, this is it".
I shared with him something someone said to me recently about powerlessness:
You are powerless over your addiction WHEN YOU ARE USING.
You have power to choose when you aren't.
So is everyone out there shopping today? I am going to one bookstore but that's it! Have fun today whatever you're doing and STAY HOPEFUL. I will be catching up on your blogs later today.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
7 comments:
Wow, that's I powerful statement. I wrote it down in hopes one day I'll get to share it with Heather. So glad you and K had a nice visit :) I know what he said was hard, but it does sound like he is thinking straight, and thinking about things and his future. I think that is a good thing!
I am not sure but sounds like K is not sure of himself and is looking for you to reassure him (codependency ) or perhaps cushion you for a possible fall later. You need to stay positive and know this is not your fault. Nice to hear of warm weather, auctually snowed here today, YUK
Thanks for the update, Barbara. I'm praying that it goes the way you want.
The weather was gorgeous! We were on the other side til 6pm. I think what K said means he is thinking clearly and preparing. But he's also preparing for a clean life in other ways that he just didn't talk about yet, maybe because they aren't so obvious. Actually, the working out HELPS with the staying clean because it reduces anxiety and depression, and gives him a healthful focus! :)
I can understand your apprehension about what K said. I think that considering those two options isn't incredibly horrible. Having a plan for relapse was a huge part of my recovery.
Although prison may sound like an incomprehensible option to you, he is still making a plan that involves survival and his reality.
It is a step towards owning his problem and the possible repercussions. One day at a time.
I hope you found happiness in your holiday.
XOXO
One thing I did with my son was hang on his every word. I tried analyzing..what does he mean by THAT..? Not everything my son says makes sense. Sometimes he just "talks" to hear himself talk. Sorting out his thoughts, I guess.
What I'm trying to say is there are lots of things going through Keven's mind. I wouldn't obsess about every sentence. I hope I don't upset you..just my opinion.
Lou,
I am trying to figure out what you might of said that could upset me - lol - proof that I analyze way too much!
You are right on about this because K is a huge "talker" and I keep reminding my sister (and myself) that half of what he says is just that "talk". He also enjoys trying to get a rise out of us by saying outrageous things....I've learned to let all that stuff go in one ear and out the other, but sometimes it does get to me.
Thanks for this reminder! I needed it.
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