My own journey through recovery is very intermingled with my spiritual beliefs and/or lack thereof. I have explored so many avenues to "spirituality". In my 20's you could say I was New Age, then for the next 15 years I was a very conservative "born again Christian". That all came crashing down and I spent a few years being agnostic. Now I have come to a very simple place where I do believe in God, but not the God of rules and regulations and judgments - the God that is Love.
I always thought that the concept in the 12 Steps of having a higher power of your own understanding was bizarre - in the Christian world I was in there was only one God and if you didn't follow him you were going to hell. Now I am grateful that I can trust my own beliefs even though no one else may share exactly what my concept of God is.
What really hurt and angered me when I was walking the Christian path was that God just didn't seem to answer prayer, or he'd answer with "nope, sorry, you can't have peace, joy, a husband, a drug free child..."
If someone had cancer and we prayed for that person to be healed, if they died it was "God's will". I prayed for my son to avoid drugs from the day he was born...I guess it was God's will for K to be a heroin addict.
I know all the pat answers: God gives us free will to choose, but then you're suppose to pray for His will in everything and then when the answer is "no, I will not keep your kid from making this huge mistake, he is choosing to do it and I'm just going to let him", it kind of pissed me off and hurt me, ya know?
I'm much more at peace not worrying that half the people I know are going to hell because they don't believe a certain way. I'm not knocking what the Bible says, I'm just glad we can each have our own personal beliefs. If I am wrong and end up in hell, I guess that's God's will. But as many of you know, being the parent of an addict can feel hellish. So its all a matter of perspective I guess.
Anyhow...I care about all of you and am praying daily for...
Madison and her family, Kay, Debby and "B", Sherry and "J", Lou and Andrew, Mom, Dad and Alex, Renee and Zac, Lisa and Bryan, Shawna and her family, Big Sad and her daughters, Chai Latte and her son, Syd and his wife, Annette and "H", Athena and her daughter, Mom of a Drug Addict and Kelly, Lynn and Ryan, Susan, other Susan, Dream Dancer, Cheri, Heather's Mom and Heather, and Josh.
And of course I care and love all my long time blog friends who are reading here now....you know who you are and you've made my life better by listening and caring.
I would feel HORRIBLE if I left your name off this list and you are someone that reads here so PLEASE let me know, okay?
12 comments:
I just wanted to let you know that you and Keven are also in my daily prayers, Barbara. You are such a sweet person.
Lists of important friends are dangerous things. I know I'm appreciated and I'm sure you know you are too. I wish Robyn and I were closer so we could hang out. :-)
wow it is so.... indescribable... that you picked this very topic right now. It (faith, religion, higher power, etc) has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.
I think I have found a much more manageable point of view as of late and you were one of the people I thought I could share it with.
Amazing where affirmations show up.
MIKE! You fall under the category of "long time blog friends" you and Robyn are very special to me (as you know)
Sherry, I agree. I am thankful every day that I live in a country that has freedom, clean water, etc. etc. There is SO MUCH to be thankful for. I think your J and my K both played cards and watched the football today!! That doesn't sound too bad :)
Lou, I think its wonderful that you and your husband can "agree to disagree" about your beliefs. I keep watching the number counter on your blog get smaller...
Thank you, Chai, so are you!
Fyrfly, Amazing how things work that way :)
Barbara, I just adore you and think of you and Keven every single day. I was struggling with my faith some time back when my sis was dying with stomach cancer. My cousin brought me a book to read, "The Shack". It was a nice book that gave me a lighter perspective at a really hard time in my life. Thanks for this, and for always praying for me and Zach, so much support here.
You're pretty special yourself, Barbara. :-)
Ahem...
It is wonderful you found a support group of people who are living your life or have lived it.
I can read here and give you my support.
I had my own fight with a white powder in my early 30's...thousands of dollars...hundreds of hours lost...a year plus of living in a world that was never mine.
Then my wife got pregnant and we both stopped. She first...me shortly thereafter. A month of hell for me with withdrawals and night sweats and just a crappy world.
I say a prayer that Kev comes out of this complete and has the rest of his life to be proud that he did.
Ditto what our friend Mike said Barbara! Maybe one day we will live in California.. hey.. I can dream :)
Thanks Barbara. Its good to know that we aren't alone huh. ((HUG)) You are so loving...I wish I knew you in real life.
Thanks for praying for me. I've needed it this past week. I don't get mad at God because God gives us choices. It's up to me to do my part. Just as it is up to Keven to do his part. We have to bear some responsibility. And I believe that once we are willing, that's where God steps in.
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