Visit With Ant

I haven't mentioned my "other son" lately but have visited him the last few Sundays at OCJ.  Today I couldn't help but notice the difference between visits with him and my actual son.  The actual always has a list of things for me to do, we often get in some sort of disagreement and usually run out of things to say since we would talk several times via the phone between weekly visits.

But when you take away all emotions that are involved with parenting an addict, its completely different.  I love Ant but because he's not my child there is no history, not as much worry, no guilt, no anger, no arguing, etc.  He is just thankful someone cares about him.

He's doing well but admitted to worrying about using again.  I think this is actually a positive because all the other times he said "I am never using again, this is it, I'm done with this".  This time he knows what it will be like to step out into freedom.  And ironically the jail is only blocks away from the streets where they buy drugs (if I know this I am sure the cops know this - why do they let it continue?).

It was good to see his smile, hear his voice.  He has a lot more maturity than K, but he's also 4 years older and has had a difficult life (losing a mom, dad in and out of prison, no stable home or guidance growing up).

He said he's been mentoring a few of the guys in the program (he's in a drug program inside the jail) and that its weird cause they are older than him but this is their first time and he's lost count of how many times he's been down this road.

I HATE THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION!

I hate it with a passion.  I sat there and looked at him, thought of K, and felt anger welling up inside me.  When you walk out of jail labeled a "felon" and "an addict" people look at you different.  You feel inferior.  Its ten times harder to find employment or rent an apartment or even make friends.  These men and women - no matter what their age - deserve a CHANCE to get better. 

It breaks my heart that addiction is still looked upon as a weakness or a choice, or blamed on bad parenting or bad friends.  None of that is true.  But once you succumb to the disease its like it owns you, there isn't an injection you can take like for diabetes.  There's no chemo or radiation like for cancer.  And few people have compassion for addicts compared to those afflicted with "acceptable" diseases.  When's the last time you saw a "walk for addiction" fund raiser?

I know I'm preaching to the choir here.  I will probably write more about addiction as a disease later this week.  It seems to be a theme in my mind lately and I saw a great video on it the other night.

Bottom line:  Ant is doing well and wants to do well but knows how damn hard it is once he's out.  He's going to write K another letter reminding him to take advantage of all the great opportunities (group meetings, counseling, etc) he's going to receive at PH.  I love it that he can tell K the things I want to say - but you know coming from a friend you look up to its carries a ton of weight, whereas coming from mom it often goes in one ear and out the other :)

Thinking of and praying for all of you who read here.

Song of the day, for Ant.

Behind Blue Eyes - Roger Daltr...