The girlfriend dumped him a few months into the addiction (I was proud of her for doing it). His childhood friends stuck by him for the most part, but all of his other "good" (good as in non-drug users) stopped associating with him.
I just got an email from one of his close friends saying that "everybody is telling me NOT to write K, but I know what's its like in rehab so I am writing him".
It just made me sad. I can't blame these kids, I am not upset with them. I'm just sad that his life so drastically changed and he lost the good friends and was left with only his junkie friends. Some of his friends that have turned away from him have known his since elementary school.
He thinks he's getting his old phone number back when he gets out. THAT is funny. I got rid of that phone account months ago. He has not friends to call, the numbers in that phone were all drug connections.
I am glad he still have two "good friends" left plus two "recovering friends" that he just CAN NOT hang around.
Not sure why this makes me sad tonight, but reading those words in that email kind of hurt....I guess they are doing the right thing, it just hurt to read that email :(
13 comments:
It would be awesome if some of his old friends were willing to get back in touch with him.
Sorry for the length of my comment above. Obviously your post struck a nerve with me. Take care.
Hi Barbara - I've been reading but not leaving comments until now... only because I haven't and hope I never will have this heart breaking experience. I do remember, however, having friends I had to leave behind because of the same reasons most of his good friends did. There is one, however, that I reconnected with some years later when she got herself together and reached out to make amends. We're still not as close as before, but the trust did return! I am hoping the same for Keven.
i guess i can understand the sentiments of his friends... maybe they don't know how to help and they're afraid they'll make things worse so they're taking the easy way out. I guess we all do that sometimes.
Of course I have also agonized over Zach losing his friends he grew up with. It is heartbreaking when my once popular, social and fun loving son ruins his reputation and can't even stay awake to go to the movies. I lost many of my friends when I was in active addiction years ago. I look back now Barbara, and I have to say many weren't my friends. Some of my dearest friends have come to me during recovery and after, life long friends. I trust and believe that one day our sons will have that bond again with others they connect with. One day...
When our friend went down the spiral into coke addiction, we stuck by him...He went to rehab and we welcomed him home.
Hopefully some of Keven's friends will realize what he needs is the normality of his past.
Lora, wow. I didn't know you read here. Thank you so much, you did the right thing with your friends. I think Maddy will be protected from all this crap - by the time she is older (hopefully) some things will have changed and it wont' be so easy to get your hands on the serious drugs.
Mom and Dad, I hope Alex can make new CLEAN friends and I hope the same for Keven...and Andrew (Lou's son) who will be out very soon! They all seem like very charismatic types that make friends easily....(trying to think positive here). I am actually proud of his friends for walking away, and they still treat me with respect and hug me when they see me.
Its jut another thing to grieve when you lose your child to drugs.
Rygel, I understand it too. As I said I am proud of these kids for making the right decision. It just hurts me to see...but I totally understand it.
Mom of OA, Thank you, I believe that too. I just had a thought...what if all our sons were friends with each other. I think that would spell
T R O U B L E!!!!!! But they all have very similar personalities, I wonder if that is a coincidence or a characteristic common among addicts?
Lacey, yes his life changed so much...it was all about drugs and to have friends you have to BE a friend.
Bond, I've done the same thing with one of my friends.
Oh Annette, its so hard to give up the dreams we had for our children...the simple ones like you just mentioned of having a house full of laughter. Its never too late for them to turn their lives around. I have hope for H. I can't give up hope for any of our kids.
I think "birds of a feather" is true in this situation. Andrew had one friend who stuck by him for many years, trying to help and giving him rides. But even he has given up now.
Their clean friends have to protect themselves just like we do. And I think the addict needs to leave their past as far behind as they can. Their old using friends are on the same thin ice of recovery. Addicts tell me they have to go to a whole new circle.
That said, most adults make a new set of friends every 10 years.
There are freinds and there are aquaintances. Kevan does not need acquaintances. Real friends stick by through thick and thin.
I don't think you should give p your dreams for Keven. He is still so young and has a long life ahead of him. Maybe Nov.19 will be the beginning of a new life for him and for you too. If we give up hope in our lives, there is nothing left.
If Keven gets into NA or a 12 step program, he will have a number of really good friends who will be there for him. I've found that my recovery friends are the best.
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