We all know this, but its so hard not to worry.
Yesterday as I went back through each of my posts to change K's name to K instead of K_____, I saw for myself all the worrying I have done in the past few months.
It didn't change anything to fret and worry, it just took away from that moment. And really each moment is all we have.
Putting things into practice takes time and effort but its worth it. I worry a lot less these days. On the other hand...I have a lot less to worry about when he's locked up or in rehab! So please refer me back to this post next time I am worried to pieces.
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Went to an Al-Anon mtg. last night. I have yet to find one that is "friendly". I always read about how friendly everyone at Al-Anon is but once again I felt like an outsider and no one approached me or said hello to me. I am very shy in groups but didn't let it show and smiled and tried to look approachable praying that someone would say hi to me first, once that happens, I am fine. I just panic if I have to approach a stranger in a group (I can walk up to anyone one on one, something about groups causes me to have major anxiety).
The woman who sat next to me all night turned her back and started talking to someone else the second the meeting was over. I hung around for a moment watching everyone ignore me but then started to have a panic attack and left. The meeting itself was very depressing, story after story of kids living on the street, in and out of rehab, etc. Needless to say, I didn't like it. I like the tools and the concept but I've tired 4 meetings in different locations and with the exception of one I felt like I was intruding in a club that didn't really want new members. Of course I leave thinking "it must be me" and it takes weeks to get the courage to go to another one so I may just give up on the whole concept. I get more out of reading "Courage to Change" and your blogs.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
4 comments:
I just ordered the 12 step book for Co-dependency and also read the smaller meditation books. I prefer the blogging and reading, along with private one on one counseling to the meetings in my area. Keep doing whatever works for you Barbara.
Like a broken record, I am again going to suggest Celebrate Recovery to you. I think you might be codependent (no judgement) and they have groups for that. I spent 10 years in A.A. and did not find true freedom until I attended CR for two years and found that I was codependent and found the root causes of my addiction.
I can't say how sorry I am that AlAnon is like that so far for you. My group gives each newcomer a personal welcome, a newcomer packet, and we have a newcomer table EVERY meeting. We all take turns leading it. I love to lead it because I know it may make the difference in whether someone comes back or not. The way your meetings have been run doesn't sound right to me. I can see where you would get discouraged. I hope you don't, but you have sure given it a good shot. Maybe the family meetings at rehab will work out better.
Another p.s. hours later... I love the new look of your blog :)
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