First of all, I can't say how much all the comments mean to me.
Keven and I came to an agreement. He's on his own and is not going to call me for at least 30 days. I agreed to drop his stuff off at Third Step House (if they still accept him) but that's it. He has to find a ride there. He has no wallet, no money, and only the clothes on his back, but he has his cell phone. I know that each time I help him its like saying "You are incapable of doing this yourself" which makes him feel like less of a man (thank you Ron).
I also got a call from Anthony who is doing "excellent". He makes a brief call to me each day to tell me he's doing great and ask how I am and tell me he loves me. Today we talked a bit longer and talked about Keven.
He said something like, "I don't want to hurt you by saying this, but I have to say it. You HAVE TO STOP ENABLING HIM. You have to completely let go and let him figure everything out himself. EVERYTHING. Get out the Big Book and read Chapters 7 - 10. You need to take care of yourself and let Keven take care of himself."
Ha. Nothing he said was new - its a repeat of what all you wonderful people are saying, but hearing it from him was priceless. He also called Keven and and said something like (this may be wrong but you'll get the gist) "Think of all your problems and then think of how to solve each one. Okay, so that's overwhelming. Think of your one problem (addiction) and you know how to solve it. Get into 3rd Step, get a sponsor, and let him TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. Just do whatever he says. Its that simple. Just keep doing that for the next 90 days."
Also, thank you Jackie for the comment. I think hearing from people like you and Anthony and Bugerlugs, and BMelon, and others who have been there, helps me immensely.
Its raining here. I love the rain. I am going to work very hard at enjoying the rest of my day.
Peace, Hope and Extra Amounts of Love,
Barbara
13 comments:
I hope you get a good rest. Most of us could use a good rest.
I love you Barbara. It sounds like you are on the right track. I'm so thankful you have so many supportive people around you, who know what you're going through and can help you thorough everything.
If you need a respite, please always know our door is open. Seriously.
Loved this post! Thank you! Hang on! You are getting there and I am not that far behind!
Good for you and good for Anthony. The third step is a miracle. Believe.
This is an inspiration for anyone that has an addict in the family. I wish you and your family much success and hope that your son may find his way. I put my mother through very similar circumstances and feel just awful each time I see another mother going through it. When I think back to what I was doing to myself and my family I want to throw up now. Although I doubt there is much more information that I can share with you that you don't already know, my site is the link in my name.
Stay strong!
This is an inspiration for anyone that has an addict in the family. I wish you and your family much success and hope that your son may find his way. I put my mother through very similar circumstances and feel just awful each time I see another mother going through it. When I think back to what I was doing to myself and my family I want to throw up now. Although I doubt there is much more information that I can share with you that you don't already know, my site is the link in my name.
Stay strong!
Ok, I am maybe way off but you know I mean well.
You know I have BPD. People with BPD have addictive personalities. We use it to self medicate. I've actually been very lucky to avoid addiction in anything. I've also never tired most things. But that's neither here nor there.
I can't help but feel that K doesn't stand a chance at beating Heroin if he doesn't get his mental health under control. I know you are worried about both. And I know heroin is potentially the deadlier of the two, but I can't help but feel maybe the two of you should try flipping the priorities for at least a little while and seeing where that gets you. I'm NOT saying let him get away with using. But what if instead of getting him a bed as an addict, you got him in a bed for mental health and had him there for awhile so he can get that under better control. And I'm betting it will be hard to get a hold of Heroin in a full mental health lock up. I've been in one. You aren't even allowed shoe laces much less needles. ONCE the mental health is diagnosed and treated, and he is feeling better there, the drive to use might diminish even a little and give him a better chance at a better recovery from drugs. And then a better recovery from drugs will be an even better recovery mentally. And it goes round and round.
You know a LOT about heroin use. I know nothing but what I've read from you. But I know a fuck ton about mental health, and I think you might be able to use some knowledge there. I really think the two are very closely related. And I think you do too.
Since he's wanting to be independent, which I can understand from how you explained it, maybe you should just run this by him and leave it to him.
Good Barbara,...it was good to read this. Now take the peace you deserve and enjoy the rest from it. I can see how you really appreciated that from Anthony....I would too if I was you. So happy to hear how well Anthony's doing. Have a good week.
Just came by here for the first time today... I like what you are doing. My sister is a long term meth addict, as is my brother in law, and I am a recovering alcoholic so it is all close to home for me and us.
Keep on keeping on and be gentle on yourself.
Simple Honesty, thanks for stopping by here. As you can see from the comments there are lots of wonderful people in this little community of people that have been touched by addiction in one way or another. Thanks for your kind words. I hope you come back.
Karen, thank you. I agree with you, I truly do. He's done several stays in mental health but I don't think long enough to really evaluate him and then once he's gone there is no follow-up. I am going to look into where he can go, if he will go. He agrees that there is something "wrong with him" and I always wonder if stopping heroin/coke is even going to help him if he's feeling so unstable when he's "normal", its like he can't get by with nothing so he uses heroin. I appreciate your comment and YOU inspire me because of the full life you lead. Kiss that little sweetie baby on the to of the head for me, okay?
Relapse - thanks for the link to your blog I am reading it now.
Barbara? Have you been to the band link on my web? I think we have a home for you. Get to know the site and maybe we can recruit you behind the scenes at some point. I think you and your knowledge could be put to use!
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