I think when one is weak, the others that care about them can be there strength and your comments are my strength and my sanity right now. What would I do without all of you? Very few people can understand and/or have the wisdom.
I need to STEP BACK and that's what I'm doing.
So they didn't 5150 him after all because there were no beds open in the mental health unit. He continued to call/text and try to manipulate, threaten, beg etc. for me to come get him or help him in some way. I had my phone on vibrate so I only took some of the calls and texts and then finally I fell asleep. As far as I know he's still there.
I'm so scared for his future.
Peace, Hope and Love,
Barbara
11 comments:
Barb,
I suggest that you take one more call. Make sure Keven knows that you are not coming. Say it very clearly and matter of fact. You will not take calls no matter how much he blows up your phone. You can and will no longer be manipulated. This is your problem and that you no longer will take it upon your shoulders.
Outline your boundaries and then stick to them. Be clear to Keven, he deserves this. After all he has been trained to manipulate and he must now be untrained.
Keven's help are the professionals that have him under control now. Leave them to do their jobs.
Amen to what Ron said. Ask him about what you asked me about. He will have some good idea. :o)
Annette, great minds think alike...I was just about to ask Ron :)
Go Barbara ! I'm now your cheerleader.
And one more thing...as HARD and at times unnatural as it is in these situations(how well I know), try to picture the positive happening...even if it seems unlikely right now,...instead of imagining the negative happening for him in the future. Every time I was picturing D doing something horrible to himself and others or spending a life in prison or whatever, I would mentally work to stop myself and imagine a clean/drug free, happy, self assured productive adult, with a purposeful job or career. It may sound pollyana-ish,..but it sure can't hurt,..and when I did it, it somehow calmed me.
I just accompanied D and his girlfriend to an NA meeting last Sat. night in Fla.. It happened to be the 5th year birthday meeting of one of their regular group at that meeting. She told her story, beginning to end,(I'm sure not ALL), and if you'd heard it,..you'd know that if SHE could get clean and stay clean for 5 yr.s, ANYTHING is possible, in a good way, for our addicts. Her story was MUCH worse than Keven's or other sons/daughters of addicts we know, and she didn't get clean and stay clean 'til she was 39.(hear that VJ ?) She's now celebrating her 5th b-day of recovery and has a bachelor's degree and is a mom working and taking care of her teenage daughter. All things are possible.
But I also agree with what Ron's saying, hard as it is to do.
Be peaceful,...I'm continuing to pray for you and Keven both.
I have neither much wisdom, little experience of this, nor a huge amount of sanity...all I have is faith that no matter how hard, you will do the right thing..no matter what it is.
Oh, and I have love..to send to you and hope that there will be a little light soon. Carrying thoughts of you with me, tucked into my sleeve, all day.
Barbara-
I'm much older than your son and in a different place. I got sober 20 months ago.
A year into sobriety, I asked my partner to leave. We agreed to a year's trial separation but, in truth, I thought that once she left my life would be great. This was A YEAR into sobriety and that was still my insanity.
She was smart enough to leave the area so the field was clear for me to do my work.
And, this time has been a great gift for both of us. I've truly discovered and understand the saying "if I'm not the problem, I have no solution". all the things I blamed on her turned out to be mine and within my control to change.
I can't speak for my partner but I see tremendous change in her boundaries and her strength. I go to AA everyday and she is a strong participant in Alanon.
Give Keven the gift of having to face himself without having you to blame or to shoulder the responsibility for his addictions or his behaviors surrounding addiction.
Try not to be scared for his future. All we have is today. Today he is not using. Rejoice!
Thinking of you Barbara -
You have an awesome cheerleading team around you in this blog. I love reading the comments and the wisdom from people who've walked in the same shoes as you.
Peace to you, Ms BBQ xoxo
I love Jackie's advice and I think she is dead on. I wish you could have the time and the peace to be able to just work on Barbara without having the constant worry of Keven. You cannot change Keven, you can only change Barbara and how she reacts to Keven. I know it is a hard road. The last year has taught me more about how hard. I hope things can be easier and better for both of you some day.
Good stuff here. You know what to do Barbara. So many good thoughts coming your way.
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