First off, Keven and I had a terrible argument last night, I don't even want to go into it, but I realize its partly cause he's scared. This morning he apologized and admitted he feels hopeless going to yet another rehab...He said there are drugs at all the rehabs and no matter how careful he is to not make friends with the wrong people, most of his rehab buddies usually end up offering him dope. When its right there within reach, he is powerless to refuse it.I am hoping, praying, begging that this rehab experience is different. His old PO did not approve of it and had negative things to say about it - but that's one woman's opinion. I told him not to listen to that, to have an open mind.
I drop him off at 6 pm. I love him so much, I hate to know he's hurting and scared, he's really just a young "kid" in so many ways.
I wish Anthony could spend some time with him (wait! what did I just say!?) Seriously, the things he is saying and the changes I've seen him are not short of miraculous. But, its easy to talk the talk while locked up. He gets out 11/15, that will be the true test. I read the letters he wrote Keven and they were SO GOOD. I may ask if I can share some of what he said here. I love hearing things from the perspective of the addict.
Second, VJ has a post up today that is a draft of something he's been asked to write for his local newspaper. The gist of it is that we need to treat parents/families with compassion when they are going through addiction. There is also and excellent comment left by Laura. Here's the link:
The Secret
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
7 comments:
I will be thinking of you and Keven.
I need help. I just found out that my son left rehab with 2 weeks left to go. This is the second time he's done this. He called my husband asking for help and my husband told him to go back to rehab. We can't do anything for him. I support this decision, but all I really want is my boy home with me! Is this nightmare my life?? Is it better to let him come home or live on the streets?
Thank you for the prayers.
And you, dear Maija, my heart hurts for you, it truly does. This is the hardest possible situation for a parent to be in. I have spoken with lots of addicts and also parents of addicts that the turning point was when the addict had no where to go. But as a mother - its almost impossible to turn them away. How old is your son? Mine is almost 21 and has never lived on the street but has come close. I have never had to make the decision, circumstances always intervened for me. I hope that your boy decides to go back to rehab. He only has a week left....and he left? For my son, whenever he gets close to a turning point (like getting out of rehab) he has a relapse. I am not sure why.
I remember saying the exact words "is this nightmare my life?". Its gotten a bit better for me this year but I feel like the nightmare is right around the corner.
What kind of support do you have for yourself? Are there friends that understand? A support group? Please don't go through this alone. Come to my blog and visit other's as well. We care!
My son just turned 20. It was around one year ago that he began using heroin. Earlier this year I gave him $200 and kicked him out. He was homeless in that he just kept sleeping on friends couches. Then my husband got a new job and we had to move out of state. We told son that he couldn't come unless he went through a 30 day program. Well, we moved without him and he went to detox and rehab for 21 days and then checked himself out early. We hoped that was enough so we flew him here. He only went to counseling sporadically. And about 3 weeks ago we caught him using. He probably relapsed about 2 months ago. He went to detox and he choose the rehab facility. Again, before he finishes the program, he leaves. This time he is in a new state with nothing. I've been reading blogs from your list- thank you it helps. I'm going to narc anon on Sunday night. My greatest concern is the impact this will have on my 16 year old son. He doesn't deserve this!
Barbara, Its all in God's hands.....thats all I can say. No great wisdom here other than I am right there with you. Always praying...
I'm always praying for him(and you) too Barbara. I'm sorry he's feeling like this. And like I keep saying....I'd suggest he try the Naltrexone. Hope you don't mind that suggestion. Is he going to be getting any counseling other than dealing with his addiction? Once they're clean and into recovery, I feel like that is a key piece that needs to be unearthed,...dealing with that original pain. I know that Keven has already done some of that work, and I hope that it can continue. He deserves that healing, even though it takes time and the work of it is painful in and of itself. And I hope what I'm saying isn't preachy, or whatever word you'd call it. I know you know as much as I do about all of this. And I certainly don't have answers to the addiction monster. It's just what came to mind when I read your post. I'm praying that Keven continues on a path with hope for a better life to motivate him. I'm hoping for some mental peace for you, and for him also.
Hi.It must be so unsettling wondering if there is another night mare around the next corner. I feel for you, Keven and Maija and her sons. Heroin may masquerade as a "pain-killer" but the pain it causes is so much more. I was reminded today when I read midnitefireflys latest post of the rawness/anxiety/pain "we" feel when we try to stop. I was going to say I wish I knew the answer. I know the only "answer" really is God/light/love and prayer. But the addict has to surrender ALL. I have come close but always thought it didn't have to be "all". It does. I will try again. I hope & pray he can do this. Hugs and love sent to you.
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